NOTES: Integration Investigation

Sass subject of wide-spread baseball investigation
By Beth Sass / hereforthesass.blogspot.com

MINNEAPOLIS -- With Jackie Robinson Day a week ago, baseball began looking into integration. The number of players of African descent in baseball has dropped in recent years, leading some to suspect some segregation issues. Initially the Sass were suspected of four play because neither owner could provide information on the ethnicity of their players.

“Um, we’re pretty sure the Baldelli kid is Italian?” said Co-Owner Beth Sass, trying to be helpful.

League Commissioner Nick stepped in to defend the Sass, “They spend a lot of time with their players. I don’t think it’s a racism issue if they have no idea. I think it’s more cluelessness on Beth’s part, really.” Between the work of the Commissioner and Sass lawyer, the Sass were cleared of any wrong-doing.

“It’s kinda cool to have the support of the Commissioner’s office,” gushed second baseman Placido Polanco. “We were missing that last year. Nick is definitely competitive, but he believes in fair play, too.”

Mikko Koivu Day! Beth has long expressed her joy over Minnesota Wild hockey player Mikko Koivu--specifically, saying his name. In honor of the end of the Wild season, losing in the first round of the playoffs, the Sass welcomed Wild forward to Sass Stadium to celebrate Mikko Koivu Day.

“Beth’s going to walk around saying his name, anyway,” said Sass Photographer Bobbi Gobble. “She might as well have a reason for it.”

Mikko Koivu was amused, but embarrassed to be the focus of so much attention.

“I’m honored, but this is the craziest thing I’ve seen. American women are real crazy,” Mikko Koivu said.

“But it’s just fun to say,” said Beth, as she gleefully demonstrated. “Mikko Koivu!”

Cookies! Although the Sass are missing the services of Carlos Guillen at shortstop, they are quite thrilled that Mrs. Guillen still regularly sends cookies. Recently she sent a box of oval sugar cookies with yellow frosting for the Sassians to share.

“It’s amazing. These are totally my favorite!” said outfielder Moises Alou. “I mean, I didn’t even play baseball with her husband, and she still cared enough to find out what my favorite cookie was and send them to me! She’s one amazing lady.”

Coming up: Monday night Jeremy Sowers took the mound for the Sass, and left the game with no decision. Tuesday night, Aaron Harang will try to get the Sass their first win of the week as they compete against Go Boom!

Week Three: Summary of Series

Sass Tie
BFB ranking drops
By Beth Sass / hereforthesass.blogspot.com

MINNEAPOLIS -- The Here for the Sass managed to tie team neut in the Week Three contest in Batling Fantasy Baseball, with a final score of 6-6-2.

“It was a good week, really,” said Owner Dawn Sass. “We played hard, and we had a lot of fun.”

The week had its ups and downs, with Sass pitcher Jason Jennings being sent to Nice, and Chad Gaudin being called up to replace him.

“I was scared coming into the team,” Chad said. “They’re a middle-of-the-league team, which means they’ve still got some fight in them, and I thought it would be high-pressure. But it’s turned out to be a lot of fun.”

Fun, it was. While the Sass enjoy winning, both owners stress having fun.

“Tying is a little frustrating,” said Owner Beth Sass, “It’s not a win, but it’s not a loss. How do we celebrate? Meh, we’ll let the pitchers decide.”

The pitching carried the Sass, giving Sass four wins and two losses: Wins (3-2), Saves (5-3), K (41-63), Holds (4-1), ERA (3.60-4.40), WHIP (1.33-1.1), and K/BB (2.16-3.94). The hitting managed two wins, two ties, and three losses: Runs (38-37), Home Runs (8-8), RBIs (47-21), Stolen Bases (2-2), Walks (23-26), AVG (.288-.321), and OPS (.822-.887).

“Yeah, with two extra categories from last year, we’re having a bit of trouble with the tying thing,” said outfielder Rocco Badelli. “We’ll work on it, because it annoys Beth.”

The pitching had stars in both starting and relieving. For the starters, the individual leaders were: Wins, Braden Looper and Tim Hudson (1); strike-outs, Aaron Harang (8); ERA, Tim (0.00); WHIP, Aaron (0.83); and K/BB, Aaron (4.00). The relievers showed strong performances, too: Wins, Jason Isringhausen (1); Saves, Jonathan Papelbon (4); Strike-outs, Jonathan (7); Holds, Justin Duchsherererererer (2); ERA, Jimmy Gobble and Jonathan (0.00); WHIP, Jimmy (0.86); and K/BB, Jimmy and Darren Oliver (Infinity).

“We worked hard this week--attacking the strike zone, stuff like that,” explained pitching coach Bradke.

The pitchers admitted that the extra practices held during the week helped.

“The practices really are a lot of work,” said pitcher Jeremy Sowers, “But somehow it never seems that way. Bradke was passing out gold stars this week. It was so crazy to see a bunch of grown men fighting over who earned a gold star or not.”

The individual efforts of the pitching was appreciated by the hitters, who were playing well, too. The individual leaders were: Runs, Placido Polanco (8); Home Runs, Moises Alou (2); RBIs, Michael Cuddyer and Jeff Francoeur (8); Stolen Bases, Rocco Baldelli and Adam Dunn (1); Walks, Rocco and Adam (4); AVG, Moises (.455); and OPS, Moises (1.227).

“Really, it wasn’t that bad of a week. We need a bit more patience at the plate, but we’re still managing to hit clutch--our average was down, but we got the RBIs,” said hitting coach Michael Restovich.

The Sass were looking forward to their next week, facing goesboom and his Go Boom! team.

“Let’s go, guys! Win it for, um,” said infielder Luis Rodriguez.

“Mrs. Guillen!” exclaimed back-up catcher Mike Redmond, as he nibbled at the latest offering of Mrs. Guillen.

Week Two: Summary of Series

Sass fall in close game
Two ties unusual for baseball team
By Beth Sass / hereforthesass.blogspot.com

SEATTLE -- The Sass lost to Crash Davis Returns on Sunday, with a final score of 5-7-2. The two ties are unusual for the Sass, who last year led the league in non-ties.

"We really don't like to tie," admitted outfielder Adam Dunn, "But sometimes things happen when we just can't get the hits we need to, or the pitchers can't quite get the pitch they want. And this year we've got two extra categories to worry about."

The Sass are still in sixth place in the BFB, which has them shocked, being two weeks into the season--last year at this time, they were hanging out in the cellar.

"I'm not sure if Beth and Dawn are having more fun," said second baseman Placido Polanco. "But I know as players we are. I mean, Beth and Dawn are a riot no matter what's going on. But I'll tell you this, Commish "Nick" is the best, and that helps, too."

The Sassians were pleased with their results, and vowed that they could improve. The Sass won with their RBIs (28-19), wins (4-1), ERA (3.31-5.17), WHIP (1.26-1.55), and K/BB (1.94-1.56). The losses came in runs (22-26), stolen bases (2-5), BB (13-19), average (.263-.272), OPS (.696-.740), saves (2-7), and K (35-39). The ties were in home runs (4), and holds (1).

"I think our strategy of focusing on good pitching this year--rather than going entirely for sleepers," Co-owner Beth said. "I think it was a pretty fair performance."

In honor of the close series, the Sassians had apples delivers to the dugout.

"A couple of guys were talking about using apples for batting practice," clubhouse manager Rach said. "I had to convince them that apple abuse was a serious crime in the Sass clubhouse.

Individual leaders amongst the Sass starters included some impressive performances, including Tim Hudson, who led the team in K (11) and ERA (0.64), and tied with Braden Looper having two wins each. Jeremy Sowers led the team in WHIP (0.86) and K/BB (which was infinity, because he did not walk anyone).

"Nice job, boys," gushed Co-owner Dawn, bringing in a new basket of apples.

The relievers had their own trio of leaders, with both closers Jason Isringhausen and Jonathan Papelbon tying with 0.00 ERA. Jason had both Sass saves, while Jonathan had the lone Sass hold. Jonathan also led the WHIP category at 0.00, and an infinite K/BB. Justin Duchschererererer led the bullpen in K (4).

"It was a good week," was the lone comment by the usually terse Sass pitching coach, Bradke.

For the hitting, there were some impressive performances, as well. The stars in each category were: Runs, Michael Cuddyer (6); home runs, Michael, Jeff Francoeur, Adam Dunn, and Craig Monroe (1); RBI, Michael and Jeff (6); stolen bases, Edwin Encarnacion and Adam (1); walks, Edgar Renteria (4); AVG, Moises Alou (.455); and OPS, Moises (1.045).

"There were definitely some great individual performances this week," said Beth. "I hope this keeps up and we can work together to improve the team performance in coming weeks."

The Sass also came out ahead in the ever-important "Letters in the Last name" competition, winning over their rivals with a final score of 170-133.

Notes: Sass Air, Business as Usual

Flights to Nice Resume Activity
By Beth Sass / hereforthesass.blogspot.com

SEATTLE -- Just as Co-Owner Beth Sass was returning from Nice with the Sass notes, Sass pitcher Jason Jennings finally admitted that he was having some problems with his right elbow, which was diagnosed with tendonitis.

"It had felt sore since my last start," Jason said to the press, "Finally we had to look into it, and see if we could find the problem."

It was decided, through a phone conference with the doctors at Sass Stadium, traveling doctors, the doctors in Nice, Sass Front Office, Sass Team Management, and Grant Balfour that it would be best for Jason to rest, and report to Nice.

Beth briefly met Jason at the Nice airport, as she returned to Minneapolis.

Chad Gaudin was called up from the Vancouver Sarcastics to take Jason's spot in the rotation.

Traveling with the team: Neither manager is with the team in Seattle for the brief roadtrip.

"It's not that I have anything against Seattle," said Dawn, "But next weekend is a big trip with family and my boyfriend to Kansas City, and I really want to get ready for that."

Returning from the DL, Beth decided not to join the team on their road trip to Seattle, but will also be traveling with the team to their next destination in Kansas City, Missouri. Joining Beth will be the Annual Kansas City Trip group--a trip that started with two people three years ago, and has expanded to four people this year.

"No one can quite resist the allure of Kansas City," said Beth, "It's just one of those towns you have to visit."

Jackie Robinson Day a success: MLB, as well as BFB, celebrated Jackie Robinson Day on April 15th. Jackie Robinson was the first non-white player to play in major league baseball.

"It was a tremendous occasion," said Co-owner Dawn. "Segregation and prejudice sucks."

In honor of the occasion, MLB allowed select players to wear the now-league-retired number 42. The initial intent was for one African-American player on every team to wear the number, however the Dodgers--Jackie's team--and the Astros--with no players of African descent--had all players wearing the number. The Sassians also all wore the number 42, simply because when Dawn and Beth were asked to give a list of African players on their team, they looked blankly at officials.

"Um, honestly I don't know," Beth said. "I've never really paid attention to what the players look like."

However, to help people keep score, each Sassians number was in a different color and a different font.

"Color isn't good enough," Beth said, "Because some people are colorblind, so we went with changing fonts, too. We wanted people to at least have a hope of keeping score."

Coming up: Tonight, the Sass will have no pitchers on the mound, and will find themselves handcuffed with limited players per MLB rules. Friday will have both Braden Looper and Tim Hudson on the mound, and Sunday will have Chad Gaudin make his BFB debut. Saturday and Monday will see various fans try their hand at pitching.

Breaking News

By Beth Sass

Minneapolis -- The Here for the Sass team announced early Wednesday morning that Co-Owner and Co-Manager Beth was placed on the DL for an indefinite period. Co-Owner and Co-Manager Dawn dropped Beth off where she caught a flight to Nice.

"While Beth definitely needed to be on the DL, it also works out nicely, as no one has checked on the Sass Rehabilitation Facility lately. We assume it's in good condition and we hope we don't need it, but we want to be prepared," said Dawn.

It is unknown how long Beth will be on the DL, and no timetable for a return has been scheduled. Beth has taken the Sass Notes with her for a well-deserved break.

Notes: Snowball fight!

Game's still on!
By Beth Sass / hereforthesass.blogspot.com

MINNEAPOLIS -- The Sassians are excited for tonight's game. While the game against their opponent, Crash Davis Returns, promises to be excited for all, after the game will be even more entertainment.

"Some teams end their evenings with fireworks, we're ending it with a snowball fight," said Sass Accountant T. "Some might look at it as small-market cheapness, but the fans are really looking forward to it."

All Sassian players will be on the field, fighting in a snowball fight. As the weather is predicted to be snowy tonight, the roof over the field will be opened to allow real snow to fall.

"It's going to be a cold night, for sure," said outfielder Michael Cuddyer, "But it will be fun, too. How often do we get a chance to just throw snowballs?"

All fans in attendance will receive a pair of pink and purple fleece mittens with the Sass logo on them. Fans will be randomly selected to participate in the snowball fight, and it's believed there will be as many as 500 fans joining the Sassians.

Fantasy Sports: The Here for the Sass team recognized their fan's interest in fantasy sports, but have decided not to have a fantasy auto racing league.

"There's only so far we'll go here," said outfielder Adam Dunn. "Football is good. Hockey, we'll take. The NCAA brackets? We were all over that--stupid Mark Grudzielanek won that one. But auto racing? That's right up there with fantasy legistlature. It's just not happening at Sass Stadium this year."

Adam was already upset at the Sass Fantasy Baseball League, where pitcher Jason Jennings drafted Adam before Adam could draft himself.

"I got beat by myself last week in Fantasy Baseball. How often does that happen?" Adam sulked. "I still think we should get dibs on ourselves."

It was pointed out that Adadm had three opportunities to take himself before Tim grabbed him in the fourth round.

DL Update: After last year's shuttle to Nice for the DL, Grant Balfour said he's really enjoying the stability enjoyed at the Sass Rehabilitation Center in Nice, France.

Grant has been enjoying the comforts offered in the Rehab Center, but occassionally heads over to the Nice Guys--the Sass AA team in Nice--to pitch a few innings of relief. After not pitching much for the last two years, Grant is still getting used to being on the mound. It's hoped that he recovers and is able to make it back to the Sassians after being left off the roster this spring.

Tonight: Tonight, Sass pitcher Tim Hudson takes the mound, with a full complement of players behind him. In relief, only Ambiorix Burgos was listed as "unavailable" due to MLB rules.

NOTES: Returning Home to Play

Limited playing time on road
By Beth Sass / hereforthesass.blogspot.com

MINNEAPOLIS -- The Here for the Sass team faced some cold outdoor weather on their short road trip, which limited the playing time of some Sassians, due to their affiliations with major league teams.

"Each year, it's a struggle to know which players are available based on the limitations we're given by their MLB affiliate," Manager Beth Sass said. "Some days we end up with some odd line-ups, just to fill roles."

Sass Stadium, although technically an outdoor stadium, has the ability to change, trans-former-like, into an indoor ballpark.

"This goes beyond retractable roof," Owner Dawn Sass explained, "It's like being completely indoors. If the weather is too hot and humind--voila! Air-conditioning. If the weather is snowy--heat and shelter. It's really perfect."

Because of limited playing time, some Sassians are anxious to take the field at Sass Stadium again. Some players have been forced to sit unavailable for a couple of days, because of the weather, and are anxious to be available again.

"People think because I'm a starting pitcher, I'm used to sitting for five days," said pitcher Jeremy Sowers, "But it's hard to just sit knowing I can't play, even if they need me. "

Party time! Because of the being in fourth place in the BFB, the Sassians were delighted with the party in the clubhouse late Sunday night. Beyond the well-loved Ghetto Cub pancake cake and balloons, Dawn also brought in a special treat--brownies.

Naturally, Mrs. Guillen's cookies were delivered as usual.

"My husband might not be with the team anymore," said Mrs. Guillen, "But in my heart, I'm stilll a Sassian. And I know Carlos would love to be a Sassian again, too, if only he had not been taken by another team too early."

Games afoot: The Kids--the youngest Sassians--have taken the lead of Edwin Encarnacion and Ambiorix Burgos, and all have been bringing their Lego(tm) collections into the Sass dugout for playing.

"It's amazing how much we can do when we get all the Legos together!" said third baseman e.e. "Last year was pretty cool, but this year is even more awesome!"

Outfielder Jeff Francoeur was surprised when Ambiorix first brought up the idea.

"Last year's team never had fun stuff like this. I've been a Lego fan since childhood, so it's so much fun. You can tell that Ambiorix have been playing with Legos together for a while--when we first brought in our sets, they already had plans for what they wanted to do, and easily added to their plans when Jeremy and I brought in our sets. I can't wait! They were telling me about last year's set-ups, and it's amazing what they did!"

Quiet time also needed: Some of the older Sassians felt their age when watching the youthful exuberance of The Kids.

"It makes me tired just watching them," said outfielder Moises Alou. "I enjoy having them around, but there's no way I could keep up with their play. I'm more content to just sit back and whittle."

Moises has been teaching the Old Men some whittling techniques.

"I always thought it required a lot more talent than I had to whittle," said pitcher Darren Oliver, "But Moises has shown me some little things that really have made a difference in my skill. It's not easy, and I've got a long ways to go before I do anything really impressive, but I'm starting to make recognizable objects, so that's a plus."

Week One: Summary of Series

Sass…win? Managers stunned
Sass start the year tied for fourth
By Beth Sass / hereforthesass.blogspot.com

MINNEAPOLIS -- The Here for the Sass Front Office was surprised and stunned as for the first time ever, they started the season with a winning record. The Sass managed to pull off their stunning victory against Mockball Madness--which is owned by league commissioner Nick, who also happens to be dating Sass Co-Owner, Dawn.

"It was an amazing victory," gushed Dawn, after she had consoled Nick on his loss. "Last year we started out with some players who just didn't come through like we thought they would. This year, things are definitely looking up."

The Sass won convincingly with a final score of 9-5-0.

"Of course we didn't tie," said outfielder Adam Dunn, "This is baseball. We don't do that."

The Sass batters marginally beat out the Sass pitching, as the Sass batting took 5 of 7 categories, and the pitching took 4 of 7.

"Both of us managed to be above .500," said infielder Edwin Encarnacion, "So that's pretty good. We're just a bit 'gooder'."

The hitting took the runs (30-29), home runs (9-6), stolen bases (7-1), batting average (.337-.243), and on-base plus slugging (.900-.710), but lost in runs batted in (28-31) and walks (13-25).

"That was definitely an impressive performance. The runs batted in category was very close. However, it seems that plate discipline is something we really need to work," said Sass hitting coach, Micahael Restovich.

After last year's miserable pitching performances, the Sass were quite relieved to see better efforts this year. The Sass pitching took the holds (3-2), ERA (2.72-4.78), WHIP (1.05-1.53), and K/BB (2.21-1.63). They lost in the wins (3-5), saves (3-4), and strike-outs (42-52).

"Nick's boys clearly had a good week," said Beth. "Our numbers in all categories were quite decent, but the categories Nick won were impressive on both counts. Our hats are off to him." Beth went on to tip her cap.

The pitching leaders for the Sass were varied: Wins, Aaron Harang (2); saves, Jonathan Papelbon (2); starter strike-outs, Jason Jennings (12), and relief strike-outs, Jonathan (5); holds, Justin Duchschererererer, Jimmy Gobble, and Darren Oliver (1); starter ERA, Tim Hudson (1.29), relief ERA Jonathan, Jimmy, Ambiorix Burgos and Darren Oliver (0.00); starter WHIP, Tim (0.86), and relief WHIP, Jonathan, Jimmy, and Ambiorix (0.00); and starter K/BB Aaron Harang (3.67) and relief K/BB Jonathan, Jason Isringhausen, Justin, Jimmy, and Ambiorix (infinity, as they did not walk anyone.

"That's quite an impressive group," Sass pitching coach Brad Radke said. "Each one put forth their best effort, and there was not holding back. I'm pleased to be working with this group."

The Sass hitting seemed to be anchored by one person--Adam, who led the team in six of seven categories. Adam's team leading stats were: six runs, three home runs, six RBIs, two stolen bases, five walks, and a 1.357 on-base percentage. Rocco Baldelli also had two stolen bases, and Michael Cuddyer led the team in batting average at .412.

"I started the week very poorly. I usually don't hit well in April at all," Michael said, "I know Beth and I talked on Thursday about the possibility of me just sitting the month out, but she couldn't bear to put me on the bench Friday. I couldn't let her down."

The Sass also beat Mockball Madness in the key competition of "Letters in the Last Name", with a final score of 170-143.

The Sass look forward to their competition in Week Two, the Crash Davis Rerturns, run by JimCrikket. The Crash Davis Returns is new to the league, and the Sass have no record against them.

NOTES: Cold Weather Disrupts Play

Limited players available
By Beth Sass / hereforthesass.blogspot.com

CHICAGO -- The Here for the Sass team announced that players who were injured, sore, or mildly ill will sit out tonight's game due to the cold weather. Michael Cuddyer, recently recovering from being hit by a pitch and having stitches; Mike Redmond, who doesn't like to play wearing extra clothing; and Luis Rodriguez, who is just too tiny to keep his body warm, will all sit out.

"There could be more players added to the list as the day goes on," Owner and Manager Beth Sass noted. "I believe most of the other guys have been sufficiently prepared for the cold weather, but there are question marks surrounding Ivan Rodriguez, Placido Polanco, Craig Monroe, Jimmy Gobble, and Jonathan Papelbon."

Uniform and Equipment Manager Kat has been working overtime, and has called Brandon Medders from Pronto Pups and Braden Looper to help her get the uniforms ready to handle the cold weather.

"The pitchers are a concern," Kat said, "Because if their arms are cold, they could end up injuring themselves."

Emil to the Rescue: Emil Brown, Sass Network Technician, has been working overtime this week, too.

"Google has been doing some odd things. Beth contacted me this week because Rach was having problems. I ended up calling in [Sass pitcher Justin Duchschererererer], and even [Sass Third Base Coach Lewww Ford]. I think the problems have been straightened out, though."

Sassians, Fans, and members of the Front office are reminded to contact the IT help line. If Emil and Justin are unavailable, leave a messge and they should be able to return your call in a short period of time.

Agism rapant: The Sassians have naturally divided themselves into four distinct groups, based on age. Those beforn prior to 1975 have taken to telling the younger kids--usually referred to as The Kids--that "Age and treachery will overcome youth and skill." However, the kids had the last laugh on Thursday, when every member of the Old Men noticed that their personal products had been replaced with items like "Old Spice" cologne, Geritol, Ben Gay, and the like.

"You're so old and slow," giggled Sass third baseman Edwin Encarnacion, "That you're easy targets. We had plenty of time to set this up while you were still creaking and moaning in the showers.

Despite the good-natured rivalry of the groups, The Kids said they were grateful for the veteran presense of the 2007 Sassians.

"It's nice to have some veterans around, " said Sass pitcher Ambiorix Burgos, the youngest Sassian. "We learn so much from them every day. It's like having your dad or big brother or uncle or someone around. They're all so happy to help us learn. They take our joking well--and have pulled some great pranks of their own--but they're always willing to help us out whenever we're struggling. Sometimes they'll offer us advice before we even know we need it--it really helps us from getting into trouble."

NOTES: Uniform Updates

New additions to 2007 Uniforms
By Beth Sass / hereforthesass.blogspot.com

MINNEAPOLIS -- With Brandon Medders being out for the year, as he joined the Pronto Pups, being run by Wee Sister, Braden Looper has graciously stepped in to help Kat with the Uniforms and Equipment. Braden admits that his skills are not quite up to the standards the team became used to with Brandon, but he assured Sassians that in time, he will learn.

Regardless, Kat and Braden set out on a redesign of this year's uniform. For the year, the team has decided to add capes to the uniform. BFB and MLB rules expressly forbid this addition for pitchers, but have conceded that they can't do anything about the position players.

"That's fine," Kat said. "Really, we just wanted capes for the fielders when they dive for balls, or base-runners sliding or diving into bases."

While Sassians and Sass fans alike noted that without Little Nicky Punto, there is significantly less diving. However, as a surprise to all, Nick showed up to model the uniform for its debut.

"These are awesome," Nick said, wistfully. "I wish I were still with the team. I hope the Sass can work out a trade like last year."

Cape Day: In honor of the new capes, while will debut next Monday when the Sass return home, the first 20,092 fans entering Sass Stadium will get their very own Sass Cape.

"I'm sad we'll be gone by then," said Mockball Madness outfielder Jacque Jones. "I want a cape!" Sass first baseman Michael Cuddyer--a former teammates of Jacque in MLB--promised to send one to Jacque.

"These are cool!" Michael said, "I can't wait to try them on the field. I think that they should really help us look more dramatic--the fans will love it."

Food: Sassians were pleased to see the apple bowl in the clubhouse, dugout, and bullpen were all full entering Sass Stadium Wednesday.

"We had a bit of trouble getting ahold of Ghetto Cub for the deliveries the first two days of the year," said Sass Secretary Laura. "But it's been straightened out, and apples should be available from now on."

As an emergency measure, Ambiorix Burgos and Jonathan Papelbon have planted apple seeds in the bullpen. Although no apples will be available for the next year or so, it's believed that within a few years, apples will be available for Sassians. Justin Duchscherererer and Jason Isringhausen reportedly are getting together to order apple trees in the bullpen area, so apples may be available as soon as June.

NOTES: Fan Feilding Practice

Sass Fans to Arrive Early
By Beth Sass / hereforthesass.blogspot.com

MINNESOTA -- The Here for the Sass team would like to remind all fans that they are required to show up an hour early to Sass Stadium for tonight's game, versus Mockball Madness, owned and managed by BFB Commissioner "Nick".

"We watched the fans fielding foul balls last night and were appalled," said Sass Co-Owner and Manager Dawn Sass. "It's obvious that not too many fans attended spring training, and many are out of practice from last year."

Fans on Monday and Tuesday were missing and dropping foul balls.

"The Sass have always prided themselves on being a defensive team," said Sass Co-Owner and Manager Beth Sass. "It's just unacceptable to have such a poor showing, particularly in front of the league commissioner. Let's show them with a solid night of fan fielding Wednesday."

Continuing from last year, Beth will be unable to attend Wednesday night games, and Dawn will need to miss a few.

Accountant Returns: It had originally been assumed that the Sass would not be able to retain the services of Sass Accounant, Theresa, based on her decision to field her own team in the newly formed BFB. However, on Tuesday night Beth and Dawn were able to reach an agreement, as Theresa has decided she can handle the duties of both running her own team and managing the Sass accounts.

"T's back!" was the shout in the Sass Clubhouse when the deal was announced at the end of the game.

"She was good last year--we got bonuses, we got treats, everything," gushed outfielder Rocco Baldelli. "But what really rocked was her ability to get Sass Air running. I made a couple of trips to Nice [France, home of the Sass Rehabilitation Center] last year. When Sass Air was running, the trips were much more enjoyable."

Long-Lost Siblings Re-United: It's only two days into the season, but the Sass have already seen a miracle. Right away, Sassians noticed the remarkable similarities between Sass pitcher Jimmy Gobble and Sass photographer, Bobbi. Through some detective work, it was discovered that Jimmy and Bobbi share the same father, but both were adopted.

"It's so cool," said Jimmy. "I've always thought it would be cool to have a big sister, and now suddenly, I have one! I wish she had been around when we were younger. I'm sure I would've gotten into hockey at a much younger age."

Bobbi shared similar sentiments, "I'm sure Jimmy and I would've had a lot of fun together, with my brother. We would've fought, 'cause that's what siblings do, and made Mom's life miserable."

Now that she knows the truth, Bobbi has taken on the same last name as her brother.

Advertising: After an award-winning year of advertising, the Sass are back on track for another fun year. Artist Placido Polanco has designed a new look for the Sass this year--keeping the colors and logo so beloved by Sassians and Fans alike. Amateur cartoonist and Sass outfielder Rocco Baldelli has taken to designing billboards to amuse and attract new fans.

"Here for the Sass is all about fun. We try to field a competitive team, and offer a great baseball experience for the true baseball fans, but we want to generate excitement and an atmosphere of fun amongst the beauty of baseball," said Rocoo. "Placido's art and my humor help to get the message across to potential fans who might be uncertain."

The Sass have limited tickets available to all remaining games, and fans are encouraged to call the Sass Ticket Offices for more details.

NOTES: Opening Day

Home Runs Abound

By Beth Sass/ hereforthesass.blogspot.com

MINNEAPOLIS -- The Here for the Sass technically opened their season playing a short game on Sunday, but since the Minnesota Twins didn't open their season until Monday, Sass owners Beth and Dawn Sass refused to acknowledge it.

While the Sass did not hit particularly well on Monday, a few players had some highlights worth noting. Previous years' home run leader, outfielder Adam Dunn, hit two home runs. Not to be outdone, new Sassian shortstop Edgar Renteria matched him.

"Wow. I'm one of the younger guys on the team, but it's nice to know I can inspire the older veterans who are new here," Adam said.

Surprises for the New Kids: There are twelve new guys on the Sass roster this year, with 11 players returning from last year.

"I was so excited when the Sass picked me up in the last round," said relief pitcher Braden Looper. "I really enjoyed being with the Sass last year, and it was a pain when I was sent away for the brief time. I'm glad I was always allowed to come back and work with Kat [Sass Uniform and Equipment Manager], but it's nice that I'll always be here now, doing what I love best."

The new players entered the clubhouse a little hesitantly on April first, but happily enjoyed the atmosphere of balloons, pancake cake, and apples. They were amused by the uniforms in purple and pink.

They were a bit surprised to enter the clubhouse on Monday to find the same excitement--and the clubhouse still decorated in the Sass pink and purple, and the same uniforms still there.

"That wasn't an April Fool's joke?" said new outfielder Moises Alou.

The twelve returning Sassians assured him that this atmosphere was typical not only of the clubhouse, but it often continued into the dugout, although BFB did not allow the parties onto the field.

"Last year's commissioner didn't really like us having fun," said outfielder Adam Dunn, one of two Sassians originally drafted in the '06 season that remains with the team. "I understand he got a girlfriend and has really relaxed in the last year, but I'm glad we have Nick. Playing Mockball Madness were our favorite series last year. He'll enjoy our fun, as long as we remember that we are here to play baseball--even if we do it poorly."

Beth noted that Adam earned a bonus for using the word "poorly" rather than the typical jock misuse of the word "bad" as an adverb.

Home Again: The Sass enjoyed opening their season in the historic Sass Stadium for the first time. The stadium, as per the norm, was sold out.

"I don't think we've ever not had a sell-out," said Sass secretary, Laura. "I can see why. The team is one of the highlights of the town, and looking at the promotions last year and those coming up this year...well, when you add that there is no bad seat in the stadium, it doesn't get better than that."

This year's opening day give-aways included a deck of Sass playing cards. Each player and member of the front office was portrayed on a different playing card.

"I was thrilled to find out I was the jack of diamonds," said Sass pitcher Aaron Harang. "I like being known as the king of the diamond. I tried asking for a crown, but Beth and Dawn said it was against BFB rules."

Sassians will wear a patch with their playing card on their left sleeve.

Playing with the Fans: The starting rotation, with the exception of Aaron Harang who pitched on Monday night, spent the pre-game time in the concourses of Sass Stadium. Fans were allowed to play a multitude of games with the pitchers--including Old Maid, Go Fish, Sorry!, Hungry Hungry Hippos, and Candyland.

"That was fun!" exclaimed Jeremy Sowers, the youngest pitcher in the Sass starting rotation. "I did spend the end of the year with the Sass last year, but I'm still amazed every time I'm told of a new promotion here. There's never a dull moment."

Number Woes: As all Sassians are affiliated with a Major League Baseball team, they all come to the Sass with their own numbers. Kat, assisted by Braden Looper, have found it difficult this year, with the great number of repeating numbers. Pitchers Jimmy Gobble and Braden both wear the number 41, pitchers Jonathan Papelbon and Justin Duchschererererer share the number 58, catcher Ivan Rodriguez and outfielder Jeff Franoeur both wear 7, outfielder Rocco Baldelli and infielder Michael Cuddyer both choose 5, and infielder Luis Rodriguez shares 38 with pitcher Darren Oliver.

"That's a lot of double numbers!" said Dawn.

To avoid confusion, Adam and Michael switched positions this year. Last year, Michael generally pratrolled the outfield, while Adam manned first base. With Rocoo Baldelli healthy, and presumably playing the entire year, the Sass wanted to avoid two number fives in the outfield. Michael agreed to switch with Adam.

"This is to make it easier on the announcers," Beth explained. She said the announcers were on their own when it came to the pitchers.

The Team: 2007

The 2007 Sassians:
Postion: Name (other positions eligible) - MLB Affiliate
C: Ivan Rodriguez (1B) - Detroit Tigers
1B: Michael Cuddyer (OF) - MINNESOTA TWINS
2B: Placido Polanco - Detroit Tigers
2B: Luis Rodriguez (3B) - MINNESOTA TWINS
3B: Edwin Encarnacion - Cincinnati Reds
SS: Edgar Renteria - Atlanta Braves
OF: Adam Dunn - Cincinnati Reds
OF: Rocco Baldelli - Tampa Bay Devil Rays
OF: Jeff Francoeur - Atlanta Braves
OF: Moises Alou - New York Mets
OF: Craig Monroe - Detroit Tigers

SP: Jason Jennnings - Houston Astros
SP: Tim Hudson - Atlanta Braves
SP: Jeremy Sowers - Cleveland Indians
SP: Aaron Harang - Cincinatti Reds
SP: Jimmy Gobble (RP) - Kansas City Royals
RP: Jonathan Papelbon - Boston Red Sox
RP: Jason Isringhausen - St. Louis Cardinals
RP: Ambiorix Burgos - New York Mets
RP: Darren Oliver - California Angels
RP: Braden Looper - St. Louis Cardinals


It was a successful draft for Beth and Dawn, despite some technical difficulties. It should be pointed out that while former Sass Accountant T had drafted Emil Brown to her team, Emil has assured Sassians that he will be fully able to fulfil his two-year contract to be the Sass Network Technician. His priority has always been the Sass connectivitiy to the internet, so it's assumed he will continue in his duties.