Week 12: Summary of Game

Amazing turn-around
Sass predicted to lose again; manager barely cares
By Beth Sass / hereforthesass.blogspot.com

After the week 12 games were played, Sass Head Coach Beth Sass didn’t even pause to check the scores. After checking after the third quarter the week before, and being behind by a whooping 95.88 points, Beth didn’t even bother to check the final score (reports drifted back to her that there was no scoring in the fourth quarter, but the Proctorville Pups had let their players’ children come in for final fifteen minutes of play). Predicted final score for the Sass versus leinhartsbabymomma was 70.88- 58.29 in favor of the leinhartsbabymomma. The Sass is not known for overcoming odds--unless the odds favor them.

However, wide receiver Marcus Robinson entered the Head Coach’s office Tuesday morning with a funny look on his face. Beth gently taunted him on the Gophers Men’s hockey trouncing of Michigan on Saturday night. “No, Beth, did you check the final score?”

“Well, I understand that you and Ray Edwards had a pretty good game, yes,” Beth said. “But how much did we lose by this time?”

Marcus eventually had to pull up the League of Zoob page to prove that Beth that the Sass did not actually lose, but won with a final 70.72-64.46.

“Oh, nice palindromic score for the leinhartsbabymomma!” Beth said gleefully, while attempting to contact Rach to get the cupcakes ordered from Ghetto Cub.

A number of Sassians played well above their expected level of play, including Marcus (10.10 points), T.J. Houshmandzadeh (9.95 points), and Ebenezer Ekuban (6.00 points). Conversely, the leinhartsbabymomma had a number of players who phoned in their performances, which was just enough to give the Sass a decisive win.

“I’m not sure if I’m more impressed or confused,” Beth admitted to the press who had gathered outside her office. It was also pointed out that this moved the Sassians up a slot in rankings, ensuring that for one week, at least, the Sass are not last.

“It’s amazing, really,” said Antwaan Randle El, “Before this year, all I cared about was winning. Now? It’s a game. I’m having fun. I think that’s what’s most important.”

BREAKING NEWS

News reports are slow coming in, but Dawn Sass, co-manager and owner of Here for the Sass Enterprizes, has reportedly won the election and become the next Treasurer of the neighboring state of Wisconsin.

"I'm honored that the people in the state of Wisconsin have finally recognized my greatness," Dawn said, "I look forward to this opportunity to work in this position."

Beth and Rach were busy planning a celebration party that would include food items and balloons from Ghetto Cub.

Notes: Name changes for players

Players going by new nicknames
By Beth Sass / hereforthesass.blogspot.com

MINNEAPOLIS -- The Here for the Sass team announced this morning that Heath Miller will henceforth be referred to as Henry Miller. The reason for the change came from Head Coach Beth, who prefers the name as she finds it easier to remember. A little research has found that Beth’s older brother is named Henry, and it was all cleared up. Along a similar vein, Justin Miller has been referred to as Jacob, because that is the name of Beth’s younger brother.

Sass relief pitcher Darren Oliver nodded when he heard the news, “Beth’s never been very good with names. It’s not that she doesn’t care about the people, but somehow names don’t stick with her.”

Beth pouted, “C’mon, Dan. I remember your name now!” The entire clubhouse broke out in laughter. “It’s not Dan, is it? Meh, if you’d have a GOOD name, like Mikko Koivu, or T.J. Houshmandzadeh, it would be so much easier!”

Cake! Ghetto Cub Pancake Cake cupcakes were on hand to welcome new quarterback Mike Burnell to the team on Tuesday morning.

“Wow. I’ve never seen a clubhouse quite like this,” was Mike’s only comment, as he took in the pink and purple locker room. When Kat showed him his football uniform, he laughed. When he was told that, no, this wasn’t rookie hazing, it was his uniform, he paled considerably.

“Pink and purple? On a football team? Are they insane?”

Sass third baseman Little Nicky Punto nodded, “Pretty much. Don’t worry. You’ll be surprised how quickly insanity sets in, and how much fun you have when it does.”

New coach to the Defensive Line:Sass pitcher, and head of the Sass Rehabilitation Facility in Nice, Grant Balfour, was named the coach of the Defensive Line. Grant has admitted that he likes football, but that he’s still learning the rules.

Grant reported was honored but confused by the appointment, in a statement released from the Sass Rehabilitation Facility.

Beth later explained that “Grant spent so much time on the DL [Disabled List], I assumed he’d handle the DL [Defensive Line].”

Fantasy teams not going well for some: Sass defensive tackle Luis Castillo is taking a lot of ribbing lately for his fantasy football team, which he has named “Minnesota Vikings.” The team is currently sitting with a record of 4-3.

“Where did you come up with a name like ‘Minnesota Vikings?’” asked Sass outfielder Juan Encarnacion.

Luis explained that he had played baseball this summer with the Minnesota Twins, and noted that there was a lot of Scandinavian influence in the state, thus coming up with the name of the team.

“But they’re not beating our team!” taunted Sass pitcher Aaron Harang, who’s Cincinnati Bengals are 7-0 in the same league. Edwin Encarnacion giggled gleefully.

Luis is a what some people call a sports fanatic. If he’s not playing or practicing for a sport, he’s watching it. And sometimes he’ll be practicing and watching at the same time. “It’s a bit disconcerting to see Luis on the sidelines with a portable television,” said quarterback Chad Pennington, “but when he gets on the field, he leaves it behind and plays 100%, so we’re all okay with it. It just makes it all the more flabbergasting that he’s doing so poorly in the fantasy league. But that’s what you get for picking Brad Johnson for your quarterback. He couldn’t even pick ME!”

Beth explained that the guys were randomly grouped together to form teams for the Sass Fantasy Football League. “I was hoping we could have the Encarnacion team, but no such luck.”