Draft day approaches

Many owners and managers of teams in the newly formed Fun Fantasy League are gearing up for the 2007 draft, which was changed from its original March 25th date to March 31st. Beth and Dawn are no different.

"It's this Saturday, right?" Beth said, when the press asked her about the Sassians' plans for the draft. "Wow. That's coming up quick. I haven't thought much about who we'd take since we joined the league, to be honest. I think I put together a list of guys we wanted to get back then. I suppose I'll pull guys from that list, and anyone else whose name comes up that I decide I like before then."

Despite Beth's noncommittal answer, Dawn has expressed complete confidence in Beth's drafting abilities.

"I trust her to get the job done. We've discussed last year's [Randy Johnson] fiasco, and I think we're on the same page. We're just here for the sass," Dawn said.

Several 2006 Sassians have expressed their hope of returning to the team.

"I don't know if they're going to take me again this year," said relief pitcher Matt Guerrier, "But it'll be pretty awesome if they do. I'd like a return of last year's team, to be honest, but I already know that's not going to happen. I'm sure we'll all keep in touch, though."

Among those who will likely not be returning are first baseman Doug Mientkiewicz. "One of the teams to really take an interest in me this off-season was the Yankees. I have a family to support now, so the financial details were important. I was star-struck by the contract, and the fact that the Yankees were after me that I totally forgot the No Yankees rule the Sass have. I'm reasonably sure someone else will take me before Beth and Dawn can. It's depressing, really," Doug said.

Rumors say that Mark Gruzielanek is still in the running for a bench position, however. "It's unfortunately, really. Doug, AJ, and I adopted little Jimmy last year, and it was great in the clubhouse. Now we're going to have to work out custody agreements."

Exciting news came through earlier this week when it was announced that Grant Balfour has decided to fully devote his time to the Sass Rehabilitation Center in Nice, France. Earlier, Grant had expressed a desire to return to the mound, but his early struggles made him decide that working for Sass Rehabilitation and the AA Nice Guys would be a good career move.

"We're very excited," Beth said. "He was a solid presence there, with the constant DL turnover. We need people like that in our system."

Beth and Dawn said the rest of the front office will be put together as soon as the draft takes place. Anyone wishing to apply for any position are asked to contact Beth and Dawn by leaving a comment on the Sass site.

Emil adds e-mail duties

Sass network technician, Emil Brown, has added taking care of gmail to his job duties. He also has promised that he will work closely with other e-mail services other Sassians use. This was upon the recommendation of Clubhouse Manager Rach, who was having problems with gmail, and was forced to be productive at non-Sassian duties. An outrage was called by the Sass owners and managers, and Emil and Justin Duchschererererer stepped in to help.

"We're not quite as familiar with gmail as we are with blogger," said Emil, "But we're willing to work hard to help."

Justin was quick to explain that the familiarity with gmail would increase the more they worked with it, reminding Sassians that when the duo first started, they weren't very familiar with blogger, either.

"I'm still trying to work my way around new blogger," Justin admitted. "Emil took the classes this off-season, so he's ready to go. I know I need to catch up, so I'm ready to step in from the bullpen whenever I'm needed. I don't want to let the Sassians down."

Front Office Update

Beth and Dawn Sass are happy to announce that Angela has agreed to retain her position as Mascot Caretaker for the Here for the Sass team. Last summer, the Sass installed a glassed in area to keep penguins in. Although no one has yet to identify what's so sassy about penguins, Beth and Dawn assured everyone that it was appropriate.

Angela took the role of Mascot Caretaker late in the year. Julio Mateo, who held the position prior to Angela's joining the Front Office, had expressed a desire to work more on pitching. He has agreed to assist Angela this year, if necessary, but hopes that his main duty will be on the mound.

"I'm hoping for the Sass to draft me again this year," Julio said to the press shortly after the announcement. "They're being pretty quiet about their draft picks this year, so I'm not entirely sure."

Angela has ordered a new Herring Gun for the penguin mascots treats. An identical gun will be used to shoot free prizes to Sass fans during games.