NOTES: Notes return, pouting

Unscheduled vacation leads to punishment
By Beth Sass / hereforthesass.blogspot.com

CHICAGO -- While Sass owners Beth and Dawn Sass both had vacations scheduled for Cancun to start the season (fortunately, not at the same time), Sass Notes was told that it would not be granted a vacation this year. Beth got suspicious while she was in Mexico to start the year, quite certain she had seen the Notes when she went snorkeling. Dawn reported Tuesday morning that she had run into the Notes, and immediately sent them back to Minnesota. They will be forced to clean the vacated locker by R. Johnson a couple of years ago.

"We’re running short on locker space," said clubhouse manager Rach, "And I’m not touching that locker. Beth consulted me, and we decided it would be an appropriate punishment."

Official apology. The Sass offered an official apology last week to the Minnesota Twins, pointing out that every pitcher they drafted or picked up under-performed or was injured on their watch.

"It started in 2006. Sure, Kyle Lohse was a sleeper pick that didn’t pan out. Those things happen. But there was no reason for Carlos Silva to do so poorly after his stunning 2005 season, and Matt Guerrier broke his hand. We won’t even mention Scott Baker in 2007," reads part of the apology.

Research shows that the Sass picked up Baker after his first start in late May, and dropped him after three consecutive poor games in June. At that point, he was picked up by the Pronto Pups, owned by Wee Sister, and his performance almost immediately showed dramatic improvement.

DL Guitar Hero Becomes Rock Band. Grant Balfour was pleased when the Sass reported that they were sending pitcher Matt Garza to the Sass Rehabilitation Facility in Nice to work on his Guitar Hero playing skills, although for baseball purposes, he has a "radial nerve irritation".

"I recognized that things were not up to par when I could beat Matt G [Garza, we think] in Guitar Hero. Matt G. [Guerrier, we presume] has been tutoring Matt G. [Garza?], but on a conference call today along with our trainers, Dawn and I decided it would be best if Matt G. [Garza?] could dedicate himself entirely to playing Guitar Hero," Beth said.

Grant stated that while pitcher Joel Zumaya has shown marked improvement on Guitar Hero, the three men (Grant, Joel, and infielder Andy LaRoche) had just received Rock Band, and were itching to try it out. With the addition of Matt G., the requisite four players would be there.

"We wouldn’t even consider playing with less than four, even though it’s allowed,” said Andy. There’s just something wrong leaving one position empty. It would be like trying to play the infield without a shortstop."

Major announcement. The Sass team and front office would like to congratulate Sass Owner Dawn Sass on her marriage to Nick Mockball of Mockball Madness. Players and staff were in attendance at the wedding, and many tears of joy were shed by all. Dawn will be hyphenating her name legally, but for professional purposes will continue to be known as Dawn Sass.