NOTES: New Season, new hopes

Few returning players for 2008
By Beth Sass / hereforthesass.blogspot.com

MINNEAPOLIS -- Here for the Sass announced Wednesday morning that the 2008 Here for the Sass team has been drafted last Saturday, and Spring Training practice will start "any day now." As per the usual, Beth and Dawn haven't bothered to set any team practices, preferring to let their players practice with their major league affiliates.

"Yet, the pull of the Sass is irresistible," said relief pitcher Matt Guerrier, making his second season with the Sass, after playing elsewhere last year. “I was sad when someone else picked me up last year before the Sass could get to me.” Matt admitted he couldn’t remember what team it was, but that the Sass were always dear to his heart.

Casey Blake returned to the Sass, for hopefully his first full season. “I didn’t make the team out of spring training a couple of years ago, losing a spot to Edwin Encarnacion. It turn, but it turned out okay.” The Sass have assured Casey that, pending getting run over by a train, he should make the team this year.

However, the person who felt the most awkward when the team reported Wednesday morning was relief pitcher Grant Balfour. Sicne Grant has been with the Sass since inception, the other guys on the team look to him for hints on the Sass style of baseball. Grant finds this a little overwhelming, because he’s spent most of his time in the Sass Rehabilitation Facility in Nice, France, and not actually with the team.

When speaking about Nice, the entire Sass team looked to their number one catcher Joe Mauer, and told him that France sucks, and he wouldn’t enjoy it there. Joe has a history of injuries, which is why the Sass picked up back-up catcher Paul Lo Duca.

“On one hand, I’d really like to play. On the other hand, Joe is the better catcher, and I’d rather have the best catcher in the game. It’s all about the team,” said Paul.

Co-owners and managers Beth and Dawn Sass held a short press conference, where they were asked to give their expectations of the Sass this year, Dawn said, “We have Jake Peavy!” When asked to elaborate, she added, “Did I mention we have Jake Peavy?” Beth Sass had no further comments.

Staff for the Year: As far as has been reported, the entire Sass staff will be returning this year. Some of the staff members are required to play for different Batling Fantasy Baseball teams, but have assured the Sass that they will play in their former capacities. Emil Brown (undrafted) and Justin Duchcherererer (Pronto Pups) have both expressed their enthusiasm for continuing to work with the Sass technology department.

Most surprisingly, Sass Notes promised that they’d come back for the regular season. Unfortunately for the team, so far negotiations for Week in Review have not gone well. Sass Notes has promised to fill in on Mondays with notes about how the team had done the past week. It’s possible Week in Review could be re-signed mid-season.

He actually owns 8-Track tapesInfielder Evan Longoria is a bit of an enigma when it comes to the technology department. “The kid can’t handle technology. He doesn’t touch computers, and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t own a cell phone. Someone asked him to turn o the TV in the clubhouse and he was completely clueless. He couldn’t find the power button,” Justin said.

Emil added, “We’re not sure if he’s going to be the most painful to work with--because he doesn’t know anything--or the best, because he doesn’t own any technology.”

Evan admitted that he enjoyed woodcarving with his pocket knife, and was really into calligraphy.

Coming up… A pitching rotation has not yet been set, but games will start Monday, March 31. Joel Zumaya is planning on taking at least a few weeks off to perfect his Guitar Hero skills. “I really lost it in the off-season. I now know the importance of following the strict training schedule set up by our staff. I’ve learned my lesson,” Joel said.