NOTES: Sass Bonus Received with Surprise and Pleasure

Year-End Award announced
By Beth Sass / hereforthesass.blogspot.com

MINNEAPOLIS -- Sassians all over the world were a bit surprised when they checked their bank accounts on Wednesday morning to notice that their account balances had risen.

“Well, I forgot about the year-end bonus until last Saturday, and Sunday and Monday were holidays, so I couldn’t do it then, so by the time I got to the bank on Tuesday, well, the deposits didn’t go through until Wednesday morning,” Owner/Manager/Coach Beth Sass Said.

She went on to thank all Sassians and Front Office staff for their hard work throughout the 2006 year, and felt that this was an appropriate way to express her appreciation. The Sass baseball players were a bit confused.

“Some of us had decent years, but our team didn’t even make the playoffs!” said second baseman Placido Polanco. “I’m pleased to get the extra money, of course, but it was very surprising.”

A few of Placido’s teammates reminded him that Beth was clearly insane, and really, trying to understand her logic was really pointless.

“Besides,” said quarter Chad Pennington, “You guys didn’t come in last place in your league. I seriously don’t get how the football team earned a bonus.”

Owner/Manager Dawn Sass immediately stepped in to explain the situation, “Beth knows nothing about football. The fact that you guys scored ANY points and won ANY games pleasantly surprised everybody.”

Beth confirmed the statement, and also said that the Sassians beating the Waukesha Nosaurs in the Trivial Pursuit Challenge in the last weeks of the season, gaining again the good graces of Sass Heckler “E”.

The Sass received a telegram from Grant Balfour at the Sass Rehabilitation Facility in Nice, France, expressing the gratefulness of the staff there. However, as Grant phonetically spelled out the thanks of the staff, Sass Translator Say Rah! has been having difficulty translating the telegram.

New Mascot Caretaker: While former Sass pitcher Julio Mateo had stayed with the Sass to care for the Sass Mascot, the penguins at Sass Stadium, he said he would like more time to focus on pitching, so he was in shape should the Sass need to call upon him at any point in the year. Beth and Dawn both accepted his desire to have a more limited roll with the penguins, and have hired on Angela to help care for the penguins. Angela came with a highly-qualified resume, and was hired almost immediately upon receipt of her application.

Mother and Fathers of the Year Announced: The Here for the Sass Team announced on Monday their award winners for Mother of the Year and Father of the Year. Dawn received the Mother of the Year.

“Really, with 200 kids, it was fairly obvious who would win Mother of the Year,” Sass Mascot Caretaker Angela said.

Whereas, Father of the Year was award to Sass catcher A.J. Pierzynski, Sass first baseman Doug Mientkiewicz, and Sass second baseman Mark Grudzielanek, who together adopted a son during early in the 2006 year. Young Jimmy is doing quite well, although there are concerns about how long it will take him to learn to spell his hyphenated last name. The three men are considering giving him the last name of Sass.