NOTES: Cold Weather Disrupts Play

Limited players available
By Beth Sass / hereforthesass.blogspot.com

CHICAGO -- The Here for the Sass team announced that players who were injured, sore, or mildly ill will sit out tonight's game due to the cold weather. Michael Cuddyer, recently recovering from being hit by a pitch and having stitches; Mike Redmond, who doesn't like to play wearing extra clothing; and Luis Rodriguez, who is just too tiny to keep his body warm, will all sit out.

"There could be more players added to the list as the day goes on," Owner and Manager Beth Sass noted. "I believe most of the other guys have been sufficiently prepared for the cold weather, but there are question marks surrounding Ivan Rodriguez, Placido Polanco, Craig Monroe, Jimmy Gobble, and Jonathan Papelbon."

Uniform and Equipment Manager Kat has been working overtime, and has called Brandon Medders from Pronto Pups and Braden Looper to help her get the uniforms ready to handle the cold weather.

"The pitchers are a concern," Kat said, "Because if their arms are cold, they could end up injuring themselves."

Emil to the Rescue: Emil Brown, Sass Network Technician, has been working overtime this week, too.

"Google has been doing some odd things. Beth contacted me this week because Rach was having problems. I ended up calling in [Sass pitcher Justin Duchschererererer], and even [Sass Third Base Coach Lewww Ford]. I think the problems have been straightened out, though."

Sassians, Fans, and members of the Front office are reminded to contact the IT help line. If Emil and Justin are unavailable, leave a messge and they should be able to return your call in a short period of time.

Agism rapant: The Sassians have naturally divided themselves into four distinct groups, based on age. Those beforn prior to 1975 have taken to telling the younger kids--usually referred to as The Kids--that "Age and treachery will overcome youth and skill." However, the kids had the last laugh on Thursday, when every member of the Old Men noticed that their personal products had been replaced with items like "Old Spice" cologne, Geritol, Ben Gay, and the like.

"You're so old and slow," giggled Sass third baseman Edwin Encarnacion, "That you're easy targets. We had plenty of time to set this up while you were still creaking and moaning in the showers.

Despite the good-natured rivalry of the groups, The Kids said they were grateful for the veteran presense of the 2007 Sassians.

"It's nice to have some veterans around, " said Sass pitcher Ambiorix Burgos, the youngest Sassian. "We learn so much from them every day. It's like having your dad or big brother or uncle or someone around. They're all so happy to help us learn. They take our joking well--and have pulled some great pranks of their own--but they're always willing to help us out whenever we're struggling. Sometimes they'll offer us advice before we even know we need it--it really helps us from getting into trouble."