Notes: Managers on the DL

Mateo returns to team with message
By Beth Sass / hereforthesass.blogspot.com

MINNEAPOLIS -- Dawn has been on the DL for a couple of weeks now, but on Friday, Beth was placed on the DL. She was temporarily available on Saturday for consultation, but found herself in Nice on Sunday, unable to help the team.

Beth reported from Nice that she was doing okay, and hoped for a quick recovery. It was reported that she could return to the team as soon as Monday, but during Sunday night’s meeting with the press, she seemed to be enjoying the Here for the Sass DL Vanilla Ice Cream, which is only available in Nice. Justin Duchschererererer, Grant Balfour, Rocco Baldelli, and Tomo Ohka were keeping both Beth and Dawn well-supplied in ice cream and assorted beverages during the press interviews.

Homeward bound, I wish I was...Sass pitcher Julio Mateo finally returned to the Sass on Sunday. He was reportedly to return to the team on Thursday, but Dawn said he needed a little extra time at the Sass rehabilitation facility in Nice.

The original plan for Justin to return to the Sassians this week has been delayed. As of yet, he still hasn’t thrown a baseball, as he rests his shoulder in preparation of a possible return to the Sass next week.

Rocco is showing signs of steady improvement, and could return to the Sass within two weeks. He would join the team for the first time, and is rather excited about the prospect. “Dude, all these guys are coming from the Sass, telling me what a great time they’re all having there and how they can’t wait to get back. If a team is so awesome that they don’t want to stay in Nice, well, that team must be pretty special.”

On the other hand, all Sassians returning from the DL seems pretty excited to meet Rocco, as they’ve heard nothing but good things about his cooking abilities.

“That’s all I’ve heard since I joined the team,” Sass utility player Little Nicky Punto has said, “Everyone who’s spent time on the DL, or who were with the Sass in Spring Training has raved about Rocco’s cooking. I can’t wait to try it!”

Welcome to history, kid: Sass pitcher Brad Halsey has been added to the history books in his own special way: giving up home run 714 to that one guy who’s going after the home run record (the author of this article couldn’t remember his name, nor could be bothered to look it up. For more information, contact SBGF). That player tied Babe Ruth with his historic home run on Saturday.

“It’s a bit of an honor, I guess,” Brad said, shrugging. “If anything, it has the potential to drive up the price of my autograph. That should help put my kids through college.”

With that comment, Sass first baseman Doug Mientkiewicz gave Brad a friendly punch in the shoulder and reminded him, “Kid, watch what you flippantly say to the press. They tend to take everything seriously!”

Brad said that he respected the man who caught the ball, who refused to return it to Barry. “I wouldn’t return it. It’s not like Barry would show any appreciation towards the gesture. He’d likely throw a tantrum. He was good friends with that crabby old man we used to have for a pitcher. If two crabby old men can be called ‘friends.’”

Lyle returns: The Sass had been hoping with the banishment of Kyle Lohse to AAA, Vancouver, the Sass would be free from Lyle Kohse. They were a bit surprised not only to see Lyle, but to see him jumping in to pitch for South Korean Sass pitcher Chan Ho Park. Reports from the Vancouver Sarcastics reported that Kyle pitched a complete game (7 innings, due to the double-header), giving up only one run.

“We assumed Lyle would follow Kyle, but apparently we were wrong. We’ll step security back up, as we know Kyle will be staying in Vancouver for at least a while longer,” Beth said, “It was harder for security when Kyle was around because the cousins look so much alike. I’m baffled to know how Bronson [Arroyo, Sass pitching coach], didn’t notice, but maybe he was worrying about his own pitching Monday. It’s an error that’s forgivable when you’re trying to work two jobs.”

Arroyo said he had never met Park before, so he did not know the difference when he went to the mound.

“Although, in retrospect, I should’ve noticed that the guy on the mound wasn’t Asian” he said.

Coming up: Tonight, with limited players available, the Sass were able to eke out an entire line-up for tonight. Technically, that’s not true, as they forgot they’d need pitching. Mientkiewicz and outfielder Emil Brown will do the starting pitching, hoping that a reliever will take over later in the game, but as Bronson is pitching tonight, and both Dawn and Beth are on the DL, that leaves bench coach Al Newman to make the decision. Newmie, LNP, and utility player Michael Cuddyer all played for the Twins before joining the Sass, and will likely be telling stories in the dugout, so whether a pitching change happens or not is still uncertain.

The 16th Place Here for the Sass team will be playing 17th Place StacyTwins733.