Notes: Weekend of Chaos

Players went on vacation, forgetting games
By Beth Sass / hereforthesass.blogspot.com

MINNEAPOLIS -- The Here for the Sass team realized Monday morning that a vital error was made.

"I didn't give the team the weekend off. Dawn is in Nice, so she certainly didn't give the team the weekend off, and yet, they took the weekend off. I'm screwed now," Beth said early Monday morning.

Beth was already on probation from Dawn, and was solely in charge of the team while Dawn visited the DL over the weekend. In that time, the Sass went from having a 6-5 lead over the Neut team to end with an 8-3 loss.

"What? We weren't still taking batting practice?" Sass Pitcher Carlos Silva said, incredulously. Upon being informed that the batting practice was over three innings prior, Silva was pulled from the mound. Silva's status on the team is in jeopardy as this is not the first time he's not noticed when batting practice ends and the game starts.

"We're going to sit him for a while," Dawn said, "So he can learn the signs of the start of the game. I know it's confusing--the national anthem, the introducing of the team, the ceremonial first pitch. It's so easy to miss in all the chaos of warm-ups."

Sass pitcher Aaron Harang, who is new to the team, looked at fellow pitcher Aaron Cook, who is also new. "I think she's being sarcastic."

Beth off probation: When called in Nice, Dawn said she was quite enjoying her time there, and felt that recovery was imminent--but not too soon. She mentioned that the DL Boys were so excited that she was staying there long-term (Beth usually only stayed a day) that they begin immediately trying to make her more comfortable.

"It's too bad she's not feeling totally fine," Sass outfielder Rocco Baldelli said, "I would love to cook her some awesome food. I'm dying to try cheesecake, but Julio will have nothing to do with it."

Tomo Ohka, who's in Nice with a bad shoulder and his condition is still unknown, has been entertaining Dawn with modernized versions of Shakespearean plays, although on occasion he can be convinced to do more modern works, and did a one-person show of the popular musical Rent.

Julio Mateo, another Sass pitcher in Nice, usually is known for his stock market analysis, but Dawn discovered that he also adored the popular television show "Lost", and the two have been watching each episode.

"When Justin [Duchscherererererer] went on the DL and came over here to Nice, Beth asked that we return Julio. Not a chance!" Dawn said. She admitted knowing that Beth was feeling a bit of pressure being short a relief pitcher, but felt that temporarily grabbing a new starting pitcher of Chan Ho Park would pacify Beth until she was ready to part with Julio.

LNP and Sass catcher A.J. Pierzynski were both seen to be looking a little green with envy, as Dawn's boyfriends.

You did what?!? Dawn got a brief text message from Beth last Monday night. "I unbenched Kyle Lohse."

"I felt like it was a confession," Dawn said. "Kyle has never pitched well against the Tigers, and suddenly she's unbenching him? He's been benched for weeks and she randomly does that now?"

Beth was not available by phone or e-mail, but Michael Cuddyer, Sass outfielder and Beth's boyfriend, has said that Beth would not be adverse to Dawn re-benching Kyle. "She might end giving in and benching him herself later. I have no idea what Beth will do. I think if Dawn has a preference, Beth will gratefully take her advice."

Dawn said that while she took Beth off probation late last week, she might have to re-instate it for this bone-headed move.

"She has no idea why she did it," Sass pitcher Matt Guerrier said. "Temporary insanity, maybe?"

Stadium rules: Sass Stadium is unlike any other in the BFL. Unlike most parks, where fans simply buy tickets where they like, the Sass have special rules. They have entire sections set aside for serious fans.

"Serious fans aren't the ones that can rattle off Little Nicky Punto's batting average, or JEn's [Juan Encarnacion] stats from AA. Serious Fans is only an indicator of people who are not standing up during innings--between innings is okay, and if your seat is near the end or the pitcher is amazingly slow, you may return to your seat between at-bats."

Any fan found disobeying the rules will asked to leave, and will not be allowed in the Serious Fans section for a period of one week for a first offense, one month for a second offense, and an entire season for a third offense. Beth was heard muttering about "snipers for further offenses" but it's assumed that one never takes what she mutters seriously.

All other fans are in sections designated "Casual Fans." Those who are out for an evening with their friends, to enjoy conversation and the lovely culinary delights found around the concourses. Sass Stadium is known for it's wide range of edible delights, and is often a place for friends to gather for a fun evening. Rocco has stated that after an initial visit to Sass Stadium before the season started, he can't wait to come back and try the food.

"It's really just to make sure everyone has a good time when they come to see the Sass. Some people come for baseball, and some people come for a social outing. We like to make sure both groups feel welcome and have a good time," Dawn said.

Listening to the fans: Frank Catalanotto, Sass outfielder, was standing in left field in the top of the sixth inning on Sunday when he heard fans shouting at him.

"I turned around, like I always do, and waved," Cat said. "They kept yelling, so I tossed them the ball JEn and I were tossing around out there."

Eventually, the fans were able to organize their yelling, and Cat got the message.

"They were telling me that my zipper was down," he said, sheepishly. He did thank all the fans for telling him, as it was a nationally televised game. "That would've been embarrassing next time I came up to bat. I know none of the players would've told me. Silva probably would've gotten a tape of the game just to giggle at me. To say nothing of what the little boys [Edwin Encarnacion and Ambiroix Burgos] would've said."