Notes: Trade rumors abound

Entire team surprised when announcement is made
By Beth Sass / hereforthesass.blogspot.com

MINNEAPOLIS -- Sass third baseman E. Encarnacion dropped his Legos in shock, and went running over to Sass outfielder A. Dunn's locker.

"Mr. Dunn! Mr. Dunn! I just heard Beth and Dawn were going to trade that crabby old man for Aaron Harang!"

Dunn pulled himself out of the world of Dickens's Old Curiousity Shop, and looked at E.E. in shock, "You have to be kidding."

"No, sir, I'm not! I just heard it on the news," Encarnacion said, wide-eyed.

"This might be the best news I've heard all week. And that includes hearing Johnny Damon went 0-for-4 against the Red Sox on Monday."

Sass shortstop C. Guillen looked over in shock. Rumors had been leaking since Thursday that the Sass were entertaining trade offers, with the name popping up most often of Guillen.

"We'd long known that Beth and Dawn were looking to get rid of Johnson, but no one was willing to take him," Guillen said, "I apparently had some value out there, so I was kinda shocked to hear Johnson's name, rather than my own. I am still a little concerned that I'm part of this trade, too."

Johnson throws a tantrum, Part XXVII: Upon hearing the rumors, Sass pitcher R. Johnson threw a tantrum, complaining about everything he could revolving around the Sass team. Beyond the uniforms, games, group activities, and personal hobbies, there wasn't a single Sass player that wasn't looking forward to hearing confirmation of the rumor.

"But what I hate most of all," Johnson said, "Is how there are so many kids in the clubhouse. First, there's that brat that those three infielders adopted. Then there's our third baseman and that relief pitcher. And speaking of them, I did not ask for a Lego train track to run through my locker. Can someone please remove it?"

Bringing training to a whole new level: Encarnacion and Sass reliever A. Burgos have been spending the entire week putting together their Lego train that now runs through the entire clubhouse, in and out of lockers. They have plans to expand it to the dugout, and are currently discussing the possibility of having their train line run to the bullpen, although complications could arise as it would have to be on the playing field.

"This is so awesome," Burgos burbled, "I've never put together anything of such a large scale before! e.e. and I are totally having a blast.

Team meeting: It seems that nothing is going right for the Sass this week, except possibly Silva's outing on Thursday. Extra batting practice did not help, as the Sass did no better on Saturday.

"That's it," Beth said. "They're going to have to watch ME bat tomorrow. Seriously. I'm inserting myself in the line-up as DH."

Dawn confirmed Beth's role in the line-up, and said she was planning on playing third base until hitting improved.

"We really know sometimes you have to throw in the towel and roll back your sleeves and do the dirty work yourself. It's not like the guys were hitting, so if we ground out to short, who's going to notice?" Dawn said.

Team meeting called: Late Friday, Beth and Dawn called a team meeting.

"Guys, I'm sorry to say that a trade has been made," Beth said, obviously attempting, but failing, to keep a solemn face, "But we have traded a box of Mrs. Guillen's cookies and Johnson--the jerky one--to the Go Boom! team in exchange for A. Harang. Surprising to all of us, including negotiator Nick from Mockball Madness, SBGF has allowed this trade."

The relief seen on Guillen's and Polanco's face was a site to behold, but the cheers from the entire Sass team was the true story of the announcement. Plans were immediately underway for a party early Saturday, and Ghetto Cub was called for the necessary balloons for the party.

Guillen only had one statement to make, "I'm so glad it wasn't me. I'm SO glad it wasn't me."

Guillen called his wife, who immediately promised to send another box of cookies to replace the one lost in the trade. There seemed to be no one who was unhappy with the trade.

"I'm glad to be gone. Girls shouldn't be running a baseball team. They should be in the stands fawning over the guys that hit home runs. Chicks dig the long ball, and that's it. They know nothing about baseball," Johnson said to the press, as he stalked out with his belongings.

There were tears of joy running down Beth's face as she watched Johnson leave to catch his flight to be with his new team. "That's the last tantrum we'll be dealing with. It's just so wonderful."

Sass reliever Justin Duchschererer handed her a kleenex, and the champange was opened. There were few coherent comments left for the press after that moment.

"This meeting is over. I don't even have the energy to yell at them for their sucky job," Dawn said. "Why ruin the mood?"


The Mockball team joined in the celebration that evening. How both teams will hit and pitch on Saturday with the effects of the party is a risk they're all willing to take.