Update from Mockball Madness

By Nick/Mockball Madness

Mockball Madness owner/manager Nick allowed unprecedented access by the media to his team and managing strategy. Nick made clear, however, that the situation was so novel only because he had never been asked about such matters.

“I’m not one to keep secrets about how I run my team,” explained Nick. “It’s just that before this week, nobody ever seemed to care. But if they want to know, I’ll tell ‘em. My belief is that even if our opponents know what’s coming, we’ll win if we play our best.”

Nick confirmed previous reports about his team fraternizing with its opponent, Here for the Sass. As if to preempt criticism, he was quick to note that having fun does not mean noncompetitive play. “Quite the contrary,” he said to a suggestion that his team didn’t care about the results this week. “These guys are just as competitive as I am, and that’s saying something. It’s just that there’s this silly belief in sports that things have to be serious all the time. It’s pure bunk.”

Nick has multiple sources for his strategy, including his own experiences as a mock trial coach. “I’ve learned that despising your opponent is silly, and quite often counterproductive,” he stated. “Rather than getting psyched up to beat someone you don’t like, why not concentrate on just putting forth your best effort? That way, it doesn’t matter who you’re playing.”

Nick admits that his attitude is not original. He models himself in many ways after legendary St. John’s University football coach John Gagliardi, the all-time leader in college football wins. But Nick emphasizes Gagliardi’s attitude. “He doesn’t allow players to talk about how much they ‘hate’ the other team or how they will ‘kill’ them. He emphasizes learning by practicing plays, though tackling – or hitting in any sense – is not allowed in practice.”

Mockball Madness has a similar attitude. “There’s no reason to believe that we’ll play worse this week because we’re friends with our opponents. Actually, I think we’ll play better, because it’s often more fun to give your all against your friends. This is what sport is all about.”

Nick may have to drag his team away from Sass for a little while before Wednesday’s action for some batting practice, though. “We seem to have received a shipment of ass-bats,” he explained. His team was batting just .230 for the week when this article went to press. “But,” he allowed, “if some of the Sass players want to take some BP or shag some flies, they’re welcome to help.”

Notes: B. Looper, formerly of the Sass and recently acquired by Mockball Madness, pitched 2/3 of an inning Tuesday without allowing any runs in his first outing for Mockball. Looper was pleased with his performance, but was even more happy to be with his friends from Sass again. “I can see why Sass was sad to see him go,” Nick said. “He’s a very good pitcher, and an even better guy.”

Nick did instruct his players to stay away from Sass pitcher R. Johnson. Nick explained that outfielder R. Johnson is a cool guy, but that the pitcher is a hoser who should be avoided at all costs.