Notes: New pending investigation by commissioner

SBGF suspicious about trade
By Beth Sass / hereforthesass.blogspot.com

KANSAS CITY -- On Wednesday, the Sass team made a trade with Mmmm...Guinness to nab Little Nicky Punto in exchange for Rob Mackowiak. The Mmmm...Guinness team immediately turned around and placed Mackowiak on waivers. He has returned to the Sass team to take over assistant coaching duties.

Commissioner SBGF is irate. "This is a clear case of collusion between owners of teams. Acting without their full intent of the result of the trade on the table is very unfair to all the other teams in the league."

Heraldguy, owner of Mmmm...Guinness is agog with the allocations. "I was planning on dropping LNP anyway," he told the press. "I knew the relationship between LNP and Dawn was very close, and I thought I'd give Dawn an opportunity to prevent the indignity of the waiver wire for her boyfriend."

Dawn and Beth both agreed that the trade was a very friendly gesture, and accepted it with pleasure. When questioned, Beth did not remember if she knew before the trade that Mackowiak would be cut from the Mmmm...Guinness team or not.

"This is all utter nonsense," Beth said, "All we did was trade from one guy who we mostly just let sit on the bench, for another guy whom we will probably mostly let sit on the bench. Stats are totally irrelevant. Either way, we'll have a utility player on the bench. I'm pretty sure there weren't people out there begging to get Little Nicky on their team, so it's not like the result is much different than if HG had just dropped Little Nicky, and we would've picked him up dropping Mackowiak. Except now we look nicer in 'Wiak's eyes."

Although the moves seemed to affect no other team in the league, and none of the standings, SBGF has insisted that a thorough investigation will be made.

Put me in coach! Mackowiak, who had only just landed to join his new team, was informed that he had been placed on waivers. "I knew immediately that I needed to call Beth and Dawn. I know my agent is looking fervently for a new position for me, but for now, I'm perfectly content."

Beth and Dawn offered Mackowiak a job as a fielding coach, which he accepted gratefully. "My job, pretty much, is to help figure out where the guys should be standing for defense against various hitters in the league. It's actually fascinating to me. Every night I watch a multitude of games so I can learn the different styles of the different hitters. Sometimes you want to be prepared for those infield hits, but sometimes you want to defend against harder-hit balls."

His current contract with the Sass has him working closely with the bench coach, Al Newman, and with each player. At such a time as he is actually signed on by a new team, the Sass will release him from his coaching contract.

"We fully support 'Wiak. We know he wants to play, and he deserves to play. If he's ever given the opportunity, we're not going to hold him back," Dawn stated.

The players are quite glad to have Mackowiak back--the closeness of the Sass clubhouse means that any time a player leaves, there's a feeling of extreme loss. They're happy to welcome new players, but they hate to let go of old friends.

"I'm so happy 'Wiak's back," Sass outfielder F. Catalanotto said, "We always had a good time on the plane, in the hotel, in the clubhouse. He was a great teammate to have in Trivial Pursuit! Besides, he really has thrown himself into this coaching role with enthusiasm that's positively inspiring."

Johnson throws a tantrum, Part XX: Sass pitcher R. Johnson was upset Thursday afternoon because Beth and Dawn have refused to reconsider pushing back Johnson's next start until Saturday.

"He was completely exhausted after his last start, and it was quite obvious Monday morning that he would not be ready by Friday. There's no real room for argument," Beth said.

Johnson insists that he feels fine and is perfectly ready to pitch today. His arm was tired after his last start, he admitted, but it has since recovered, and there is no reason to hold off his start until Saturday.

"I don't think so," Rachel said. "He made it through a bullpen session today, but I'm sure he'll feel it tomorrow. He really needs a day of rest.:"

Collectively, on strike: With most of the team having the day off today, a usual Thursday event, the Sass put many of their back-up players in the line-up today. Of those who were scheduled to play today, a few asked for, and were granted, a day off. First baseman D. Mientkiewicz and outfielder R. Johnson both took the day off; Mientkiewicz said he was tired after spending the entire night up with his son, Jimmy Grudzielanek-Mientkeiewicz-Pierzynski, while Johnson had been asked to spend the afternoon reading at a local library.

Of the five hitters who actually played today, Catalanotto and Punto both walked, and there was not one hit recorded in the 19 official at-bats. However, Catalanotto had two RBIs, and outfielder J. Encarnacion scored twice.

"There was some horrendous fielding tonight," outfielder E. Brown said, "There's no way that a team can have at-bats like ours and still score runs. Kristin [Benson] is kinda amazed he got a win out of this."

Benson went 7 innings, giving up 3 hits, 3 walks, and 2 runs, while striking out 4 in his winning effort.

“After last week, I knew I owed it to my team to put forth a good effort,” Benson said, “It was fun competing with the other guys last week, but now I’d really like to earn the respect of the league again.”

With all of this, the Sass are currently losing 5-6 to the Baja Manitoba team. They’re leading in the category of runs, RBIs, wins, Ks, and WHIP. They are tied for saves.

“It’s kinda funny,” Beth said, “Last week, our ERA was through the roof, but this week, the team ERA currently sits at 0.99 and we’re still losing in that category. You'd think--hey, cool! Dawn, look! They sell Twins fleece at the fabric store here!”

Punto was the only man in the clubhouse to be a bit surprised by that outburst.

“Beth? She’s easily distracted. That’s why we have to keep shiny things out of the clubhouse and dugout,” relief pitcher M. Guerrier said.