Notes: Dress code for traveling revealed

Explanation for the nice dress
By Beth Sass / hereforthesass.blogspot.com

KANSAS CITY -- The Sass players are always regarded as the best dressed team of any in the BBL. Other owners assumed that Beth and Dawn imposed a strict dress code on their players, so Sunday night the press was offered a rare glimpse at the owners' dress code. They were surprised to find that it was only five words long: "Don't be a fashion victim."

Outfielder J. Encarnacion has always been considered a gentleman who always dressed nicely, so that didn't surprise the press at all that he always showed up in suits and ties. But the press was shocked to discover utility player R. Mackowiak, a man who was more comfortable gutting a dear than sitting down to a five-course meal, would also be found wearing a suit and tie under so loose a dress code.

"To be honest, I had no idea what to wear," Mackowiak said, "So I grabbed a couple of the guys--Kristin [Sass pitcher K. Benson] and JEn [Encarnacion]--and we went out shopping. They knew that Beth and Dawn would appreciate the suit and tie look, so we got a bunch of those."

Every player now wears a suit and tie when traveling--and that includes traveling to the stadium and back on game days--and when doing any official team business, even when going out to sign autographs.

"There's a great advantage to doing that," Sass first baseman D. Mientkiewicz said, "Beth and Dawn are so busy admiring our suits that we're giving a reprieve from discussing official club business whenever we have a suit on. We're all thinking we might use this to our advantage next year when discussing contracts."

Beth and Dawn might want to re-think their dress policy during negotiations--maybe require t-shirts and casual jeans.

Happy Birthday! Sass pitcher C. Silva celebrated his 27th birthday on Sunday. Due to the excessive amounts of cake served in the dugout, Silva found himself tiring earlier.

"I suppose we should've waited until the end of the game to serve cake, but we decided we were hungry. And we were able to import balloons from Ghetto Cub," Dawn said. Dawn also ordered Pancake Cake (Butter Pecan). Due to the overall yumminess, the entire team felt a little lethargic. This effected their play today. Outfielder A.
Dunn had trouble swinging the bat at all, and had to walk three times in order to get on base--running just wasn't happening.

SBGF tried to call interference for the balloons in the Sass dugout, but the umpires declared that as long as no balloons escaped, they were perfectly legal. The Assassins players were starting too look a little green with envy, as SBGF took out his aggressions on his team, berated them for not living in England, NYC, or being actors.

Pitching contest results for the week: Sass reliever A. Burgos was disgusted when awards were handed out in the pitching contest in a red-carpet television special on Sunday night.

"I thought the contest was a huge joke, perpetuated by Silva!" he said, in obvious shock, as he was announced the all-out loser. His final ERA was 0.00 and his WHIP was a 1.29. "I mean, I pitched like it was a normal week--and now my stats look totally out of place."

With the next lowest ERA Benson’s 5.06, and among relievers it was Both M. Guerrier and J. Mateo pulling in at 6.75.

The relief pitching winner for WHIP was both J. Duchschererererer and B. Medders with their amazing 3.00 WHIP, while Medders took the reliever ERA title with his amazing 13.50. While the relievers won the WHIP overall title, it was the starters who showed what ERA’s could look like. K. Lohse pulled off an amazingly impressive 21.60 ERA, with 2.40 WHIP. Lohse was obviously delighted with his award.

"The best part is that my cousin, L. Kohse, actually pitched for me, because he hates me and wants me to do bad. He’ll be very upset tomorrow when he finds out that he helped me succeed!" Lohse said, gleefully.

Johnson throws a tantrum, Part XVI: Sass pitcher R. Johnson threw a tantrum late Sunday night after his game against the Orioles. He did not feel it's fair that he has to go to Kansas City, because he will not be pitching there.

"What's his problem?" Silva asked, watching the ranting and yelling coming from the manager's office. "I'm not pitching there, either, but I want to be there to support my team."

Johnson's rant in the manager's office lasted over a half hour. Neither Beth nor Dawn were in the office to witness the rant, so neither could comment on it.

Final score: The Here for Sass management was also able to celebrate when the final results came in on Sunday night that they had not been shut out by the Assassins.

"A 1-11 loss isn’t something to celebrate, but in light of our weak pitching, I think the fact that we didn’t get shut out is absolutely amazing," Dawn said.

And the Ball is out! Mientkieiwicz has apparently come to terms with his former team about what to do with the 2004 World Series ball. Mientkiewicz will donate it to the Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown.

"That’s so typical of an east coast team," said Beth, "An over-developed sense of self-importance--no one knows exactly what happened to the ball that made the last out of the Twins 1991 World Series--it was just one ball. Former Twins manager Tom Kelly has the winning balls from the pennant games and 1987 World Series, I think. But the Red Sox? Theirs is important enough to go into the Hall of Fame. They somehow think because they did it, it’s important enough that everyone needs to see it."

Upon being pointed out that her comments about the east coast teams could also apply to the east coast team the Sass recently faced--or at least their manager--Beth assured the press that it was unintentional. "Although," she said with a grin, "If the shoe fits, wear it."