Notes: Pitchers Take the Day Off

Bonding brings staff closer together
By Beth Sass / hereforthesass.blogspot.com

MINNEAPOLIS -- Sass pitchers found themselves at a bit of a loss on Monday.

"Ambiorix [Burgos], Mateo, and I were the only pitchers who had a chance of pitching today, and we just didn't quite feel up to it, so we asked our team's managers for a day off--none of the other relievers had to work, and none of the starters had starts scheduled, it just wasn't fair. The pitching staff decided it was a day for a group-bonding. Yesterday's team bonding of re-doing the locker room was a great delight to all of us, that we decided to see what we could do together while our offense was out there on the field," relief pitcher B. Looper said.

Starting pitcher K. Benson led the team to a day of pampering, as the guys used mud masks and gave each other manicures and pedicures. While Benson said he'd often done these activities with his sometimes-estranged wife Anna, the other guys admitted they'd never tried this.

"JEn [outfielder J. Encarnacion] said that he has a facial on every off-day, and said that he feels so refreshed when he'd done, we figured we could give it a try," relief pitcher J. Mateo said.

All turned out well--there was laughter and joshing as they tried different products for softer skin. C. Silva led the way by picking out different colors of mud masks to create a clown face. While the guys had fun, there were some serious results.

"My girlfriend often complains that I don't take good care of myself. I keep in shape for pitching, but if I'm not working out or playing a game, I'm usually found in front of my computer. I don't take a lot of time for hygiene other than showering," J. Duchscherererere said, "It actually feels nice and it was a lot of fun. Most of us guys never touched any of this stuff before. The wives and girlfriends really pitched in to make sure we had everything we needed."

The bonding worked well, as many pitchers said afterwards that they felt like they'd gotten to know one another better--who likes dark beer, who likes imported beer, what they did in the off-season. With a clubhouse of guys, most of whom had never played together before, there was much to learn.

"I'll admit that I thought it was a little strange," K. Lohse said, "I mean, we're a bunch of guys--some of us are more in touch with their feminine side, like Kristin, but most of us are just your average jocks. But it really was a lot of fun and it was nice to get to know each other."

There were only a few things that made it different from the typical "girls' night". First, there were no chick flicks in the background--unless The Usual Suspects has been re-classified as a chick flick. Secondly, there was beer--not a usual staple of a girls' night out. And the end results were a little different.

"There was absolutely no nail polish. I refused to allow it. That would just be wrong," Lohse said.

Not to mention probably illegal by major league baseball rules, which are quite specific on what constitutes a distraction to the hitter.

DL Competitions: The three men on the DL, outfielder R. Baldelli, and relief pitchers B. Medders and G. Balfour are all working together at the Sass Spring Training facility, which doubles as their re-hab center, in Nice, France. Being separated from the team for so long has left the men feeling a little antsy.

"We hear about all the fun activities going on over there in Minneapolis, and realize we're stuck here in Nice, and it's just not fair," Baldelli said.

To relieve their boredom, the DL Boys, as they call themselves, decided they were going to have their own competition.

"We originally thought we'd have a competition of Who Gets Off the DL First, but we decided that was unfair to Grant [Balfour]. Baldy [Baldelli] and I are only on the 15-day, and Grant's on the 60-day," Medders told the press, "So we've decided it has to be something entirely unrelated to our injuries. We were going to play scrabble, but we'd have to break the language barrier--Grant would spell things differently than Baldy and I--and they said my language studies gave me an unfair advantage."

So what was decided on?

"We're playing Chutes and Ladders. The Assassins M. Bradley set us up with a couple of boards," Balfour explained, "We play about five games each day, and are keeping a tally of who's winning. A winner will be declared as soon as the first of us gets off the DL. If someone else joins us here, then we'll add them to the competition. It might just be a year-long thing."

So far, Baldelli is wining the competition by four games.

Johnson throws a tantrum, Part XI: Sass pitcher R. Johnson was upset on Monday afternoon when he discovered that the team would wear their purple pin-stripe home uniforms, rather thank the pink uniforms.

"The pink ones look so much better on us. I'm sure Silva picked the stripes because they make him look thinner, but I still think it's wrong. I also think it's wrong that he's the ace of the rotation when my numbers are clearly better. Even Kristin's numbers are better, so I'm not sure what makes him so special."

Beth and Dawn started giggling when they heard about the latest outburst. Neither were able to recover sufficiently to explain their position. Clubhouse manager Rachel finally explained, "It's so obvious to them that Johnson will always be their last choice. They just don't like him. And, well, you can't have the ace of your rotation named Kristin. It just doesn't happen."

Pitching help needed: With the entire Sass pitching staff taking the day off, the Sass hitters felt a little lost.

"Joe Mays was pitching, and all [outfielder J.] Dye and I could think about was the fact that no one was pitching for us," Sass catcher A. Pierzynski said. It was noted that of the eight plate appearances Pierzynski and Dye had, they managed one walk between them--this on team that collected 12 hits, total. D. Meintkiewicz and E. Brown had five plate appearances without a hit or walk.

"Whoa, it looks like little e.e. [Sass third baseman E. Encarnacion] and I had to carry the team today," Sass outfielder A. Dunn said. Encarnacion led the team by scoring two runs and one RBI--qiute a feat for a guy who only had one hit and no walks, while Dunn collected two RBIs, scoring once on a homer, and walking twice. Sass shortstop C. Guillen also hit a home run, collecting an RBI and run, while walking once. Unsurprisingly, the Sass did not steal a single base.

"My mom told me stealing is bad," Sass reliever A. Burgos said, "So I'm glad that none of our guys were doing that!"

Tonight's probables: Tonight the Sass will try to make up for their lack of pitching Monday by sending pitchers R. Johnson and C. Silva both to the mound.

"It should even out," Beth said, "Tantrum-boy is supposed to strike out a lot of people--if he's not too worn out from all his crying--and Silva rarely strikes anyone out."

Johnson is trying to bounce back from being taken from a game early last week due to fatigue, and Silva is just trying to bounce back from his slow start to 2006.