Notes: Owners drooling over boyfriends

Twins take priority over Sass
By Beth Sass / hereforthesass.blogspot.com

MINNEAPOLIS -- The highlight of Thursdays action came from Sass boyfriends, Little Nicky Punto and Michael Cuddyer. LNP finished the afternoon going two-for-four with a double and a triple, while Cuddles McDimply finished his day going one-for-three with a walk and a home run. Both men made good plays in the field, as well. There was much rejoicing by Sass management. At time of submission of this article, Beth and Dawn noted the only thing they knew about their team was that "Kyle and Shaggy had great days. But did you see LNP and Michael? Wheee!"

Sass Team members were a little bit stunned by the reaction of their owners, but laughed it off.

"Man, those two will always be those two. I'm just really glad I hold the position of former Sass boyfriend, so there's a chance Dawn will notice how well I did today," Sass Catcher A. Pierzynski said. Pierzynski went 2-for-5, with a single and a double, scoring once and getting an RBI. Sass Bullpen Boyfriend M. Guerrier pitched one inning of relief work, giving up one hit and striking out two.

When informed that the Sass team played today without a third baseman, the response by Beth and Dawn was, "So? Did you see what LNP did? Did you see Michael?"

It's in the numbers: The Sass team as a whole did their part to contribute to their 8-4 win over the Waukesha Nosaurs on Thursday, with a final score of 8-4. Both K. Lohse and R. Johnson pitched spectacularly, going six and five innings, respectively, that both were credited with the win. Relief pitcher J. Mateo did so well that the BBL tossed in a third win for him. The team gave up a total of 3 runs, 14 hits, and 2 walks in 13.67 innings, giving them a combined ERA of 1.98, and a WHIP of 1.17. A total of 9 strike-outs were recorded. Of the 2 relief pitchers to work, either Mateo nor M. Guerrier received credit for a save or hold.

Sass hitting held up their end of the bargain, scoring 8 runs on 16 hits, with 1 home run, 4 walks, and 9 RBIs (one run was removed by the league commissioner because Sass outfielder J. Dye happened to mention he liked Tom Hanks), all in just 40 at-bats, leading to a .400 batting average for the team. No one got around to stealing a base.

Mixed up names: The wrong numbers were sewn onto the backs of the jerseys of Sass first baseman D. Mientkiewicz's and Sass second baseman M. Grudzielanek's uniforms--or the wrong names were sewn onto the back. The last couple of days Mientkiewicz was seen wearing Gruzielanek's name and his own number #15. Grudzielanek's locker held jerseys with his own #11, but with Mientkiewicz's name. Their road jerseys had their correct names and numbers.

"To be honest, I never noticed the home jerseys were wrong," Grudzielanek said, sheepishly, "I mean, there's a my number and long name on the back, so that's good enough for me."

Clubhouse manager Rach is baffled, "I didn't think I needed to check every jersey--I thought it was pretty easy to match names and numbers on jerseys, but apparently I'll have to watch my staff more closely."

There will be no investigation into how the error happened; presumably once the error is fixed, the episode will be forgotten. "They wore those uniforms for two nights and no one noticed. Obviously it doesn't make any difference," Dawn said.

Johnson throws a tantrum, Part IX: Sass pitcher R. Johnson threw a fit on Thursday, when both he and Lohse were scheduled to pitch. While it's happened before that more than one Sass pitcher is scheduled to pitch on the same day at the same time, this has never been a problem before. However, Johnson was upset with sharing a the limelight with, "a head-case, hack pitcher who's never had a winning record in his life!"

When it was pointed out to him that in both 2002 and 2003 Lohse had winning records, Johnson scoffed. "Two years of his career? Who cares?"

Johnson then went on a rant how he only gave up one run, while Lohse gave up two whole runs, and how he struck out five, while Lohse only struck out two. He did not, incidentally, bring up the fact that Lohse pitched six innings and got a quality start, while Johnson only pitched five.

"We both got wins," Lohse responded. "That's all that really matters."

Competing for a money: Sass relief pitcher B. Looper earned a $5,000 bonus to his contract on Thursday for finishing the New York Times crossword puzzle in less than five minutes. Beth had challenged him, and he gleefully accepted.

"I've been doing crossword puzzles since I was eight years old. It's my addiction. It really helped me in my schoolwork, too, because by default my vocabulary had to expand--it made reading and comprehension much better. It's something I would encourage all kids to look into--there's plenty of time at the ballpark before games to get a few done. They're hard at first, but it's amazing how fast you learn," Looper told the press, holding up the completed crossword puzzle, which he plans on autographing and framing to present to Beth at the end of the year. Looper reported later that half of the bonus will be donated to Sass outfielder R. Johnson's "Reed to Kids" children's literacy foundation.

Beth later beat J. Duchscherererer in a competition on the Cryptoquip from the Minneapolis Star and Tribune, although there are rumors of unfair play, as she had Star Wars running in the background while they were competing. Duchscherererer said next time he'll play Pride and Prejudice to see how Beth reacts to a turnabout.

Young players still learning the rules: Thursday the Sass played without a third baseman, as Sass third baseman E. Encarnacion was grounded by his mother for failing to pick up his toys before he left to play baseball with his friends.

Tonight, the sass will play without a starting pitcher. The starters have felt overworked in the last couple of days, so they're all getting the night off. Dawn and Beth will take over duties on the mound, but no stats will be assessed.