Notes: Lohse not odd enough

Normal pitcher can't handle the odds
By Beth Sass / hereforthesass.blogspot.com

MINNEAPOLIS -- K. Lohse admitted that his problem with today's pitching performance was that he had been told earlier that morning that he wasn't odd. He didn't realize that he was still required to pitch in the odd numbered innings, and his evil cousin, L. Kohse, took over his pitching duties. Unfortunately, because this was not noticed by the umpires or other team, all statistics will fall under Lohse's name.

"Lyle's always trying to ensure that I don't succeed," Lohse said, "He's always been a poor loser, and doesn't appreciate that I've gained glory and honor. Unfortunately, I've always been susceptible to his lies, and he's managed to keep me down just when I start to show signs of greatness."

Beth and Dawn have expressed concern over Lohse's performance, and the lack of security keeping Kohse from breaking into the stadium to take over for Lohse.

"We're working on security. It's frustrating to think we've finally banished Kohse--he didn't show up at all in Spring Trainning--and suddenly he's back in full form. We're trying," Beth said.

R. Johnson throws a tantrum, Part IV: R. Johnson was seen throwing a tantrum in the locker room after yesterday's game.

"Someone touched my shoes! One of them was kicked and was upside down in front of my locker!" Johnson shouted. His rant lasted exactly 4 minutes, as timed by J. Duchschererer.

"I'll admit that I accidentally kicked his shoes when I walked by his locker," A. Pierzynski said. "I was in a hurry to change the channel on the television in the locker room. WWF was doing a special this evening, and I didn't want to miss a minute of it."

Pierzynski said he attempted to apologize earlier, but Johnson began his rant immediately upon entering the locker room, and Pierzynski couldn't get Johnson's attention in time.

Poetry in motion: The state has a poet. The country has a poet. Not many baseball teams have their own poet, but the Sass aren't your usual team. Sass outfielder E. Brown says that he spends much of his free time writing poetry.

"Whenever I'm left alone, I'm either reciting poetry to myself, or composing poems in my head. Sometimes even at the plate, I'm inspired by a particular pitch, or motion of a pitcher, to write some poems. I'll often scratch out a couple of words in the batter's box," Brown said.

Brown even picks certain lines of verse to recite to himself in certain situations. "I really admire Elizabeth Barrett Browning," he said, "When I hit the ball, I always think of the last line of her eighth sonnet: 'Go farther! let it serve to trample on.' It's my little prayer to the ball. When I'm in the field, I think of the thirty-fourth sonnet, 'Lay thy hand on it, best one, and allow / That no child's foot could run fast as this blood.' Elizabeth wrote some awesome stuff."

Most managers would take offense and call a player out for lack of attention to the game, particularly when a man is a bench player, but Sass management has their own view on Brown's poetry interest.

"I don't care what he does, as long as he doesn't make me read crap poetry," Dawn said.

Injury update: R. Baldelli (hamstring) feels that he is "very close" to coming back to playing.

"I don't think I was really seriously injured enough to be put on the DL at all, so I'm hoping that I'm taken off the DL as soon as I'm eligible," Baldelli said, to raised eyebrows of Beth and Dawn.

B. Medders (shoulder) said he's feeling much better, but is uncertain about his date of return.

"I don't know when I'll be back. I feel better, but I'm going to depend on management to decide when they think I look good enough, and smooth enough in my delivery, to bring me back up. It will be a big question mark between what I need to work on yet, and what I just need to work for on the team," Medders said.

G. Balfour (shoulder, elbow, earache, paper-cut) is still on the DL, with a minor set-back of a paper-cut under a fingernail, and it is unknown how soon he will be back. He's on the 60-day DL, so it's unlikely he'll be seen before June.

Balfour had no comment.