Notes: To everything there is a season

A time to change for the Sass
By Beth Sass / hereforthesass.blogspot.com

MINNEAPOLIS -- The Here for the Sass team lived up to their name during their game on Wednesday.

"Things were getting a little dull in our playing, so we decided it was time to mix things up a bit," Dawn said, "[Pitcher Carlos] Silva wanted to see what it was like for a catcher. He's not as sassy as my A.J. [Pierzynski], but he did manage to bring opposing batters to tears of laughter."

The Sass line-up today looked normal, but when the players took the field, things seemed drastically awry. D. Mientkiewicz trotted out to center field, and A. Dunn was seen patrolling the SS position. M. Guerrier was in right field, while C. Silva enjoyed his time as catcher--seeing the battery from the other position--and with A. Pierzynski pitching. Second baseman P. Polanco and outfielder R. Johnson both got to try their skills on the mound, filling in for relief appearances in the later innings, while relief pitchers B. Looper and J. Duchscherererererer were playing first base and right field, respectively.

The rest of the field looked like this: E. Brown was at second base, J. Dye was at third, C. Guillen played left field, and E. Encarnacion filled in time as the utility player.

In spite of the chaos on the field, the Sass still managed to beat the Waukesha Nosaurs with an 8-3 victory.

"It was a ton of fun," Looper said. "I'm usually out there on the mound feeling all the pressure of the game, so it was fun to see Pole [Polanco] and Johnson on the mound. On the other hand, I realized how much I really enjoy pitching. On the mound, I'm always part of the action. At first base, there are times when I'm just standing there. I heard [former Twins first baseman] used to play tic-tac-toe on the ground around first, so I started writing crossword puzzles. Too bad they kept getting messed up."

Because the statisticians couldn't handle the chaos of the mixed up player, Silva was given the win for Pierzynski's performance on the mound.

Johnson throws a tantrum, Part VIII: Sass pitcher R. Johnson was upset on Wednesday. "It's three days before Easter and they're making me play in a night game? This is an outrage!"

It was pointed out to Johnson that he did not have to pitch on Wednesday night, but he still found the indignity of being forced to wear a uniform and sit in the dugout to be a torture.

"Right now, I need to be home with my family, going to church, and doing all those family things that we should do. I shouldn't be sitting with a bunch of men--pranksters, jokers, no one is taking anything seriously but me!"

Johnson's teammates were filled with confusion by this outburst.

"But..but...but," K. Benson said, "He wouldn't be with his family anyway!"

Team spokesman, K. Lohse, added, "Kristin is right. Johnson is a ballplayer. Even though we're on a home stand right now, Johnson's family doesn't live in Minnesota, so he wouldn't see them even if we had a day game. When he calms down, I'm going to talk to him to figure out exactly what the root of this latest outburst was."

Lohse later admitted he's not sure Johnson ever calms down.

To be, or not to be: Pitcher T. Ohka amused his teammates Wednesday before the game by reciting Shakespearean soliloquies paraphrased to fit into the baseball theme.

"I think his best was Romeo and Juliet's 'But soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the East and Juliet is the sun! Arise fair sun and kill the envious moon!' I can't remember what he said, though," Brown said.

Ohka tried to remember what he said, "'But strike! What pitch to yonder catcher glove? It is the curve and called strike three is the call! Arise, batter, and kill the opponents pitch!' But I don't remember exactly. That seems a little lame. Tomorrow I might try 20th century plays, because there are plenty of opportunities to paraphrase famous plays to fit the day."

The bonds of the injured: Injured Sass players are getting antsy. They're all working very hard in re-hab, but are finding the process slow and grueling.

"We're all dealing with problems on the right side," outfielder R. Baldelli said, "I've got the hamstring, [pitcher Brandon] Medders has his shoulder, and [pitcher Grant] Balfour has his elbow, and kinda his shoulder, too, from Tommy John. It's kinda funny that none of us managed to injure anything on the left side."

Because the three are together all day working on rehab, they've formed a close bond.

"It took us forever to understand Balfour's accent, but now we can't remember when we didn't understand a word he said. It's been fascinating, really, with all of us speaking English, but I've got the southern United States, and Rocco has the east cost, and then Balfour has Australia. Language is constantly changing, so it's fun to see how it's changed being in different parts of the country, but moreso how much a continent apart things have changed," Medder said, excitedly. "We have an exorbitant amount of fun together. We never stop laughing when we're all in the gym together. We've formed a pretty close bond. It's not the way I'd want to form relationships with my teammates--I'd rather be in the bullpen or on the field, but it's not bad. Besides, Rocco cooks for the three of us every night, and the food he makes are simply delightful to the palate."

Coming next: The sass team again face off against the Waukesha Nosaurs today. The Sass will send Lohse and Johnson to the mound, while the Nosaurs will counter with C. Zambrano.

"Zambrano should be ours, and Johnson should be theirs," Dawn said, "But he wouldn't trade. That was mean."