Notes: Management error assists in loss

Owner misplaces the line-up
By Beth Sass / hereforthesass.blogspot.com

MINNEAPOLIS -- The Here for the Sass team management took responsibility for the loss on Wednesday. Apparently Beth was supposed to change the line-up to put F. Catalanotto in the outfield, but accidentally A. Dunn as an outfielder, and M. Grudzielanek as the utility man.

"Adam was supposed move the utility, and Mark to the bench. But when at the last minute, I couldn't find the line-up card, so I just picked out an old one and threw it at the umpire. By the time the error was noticed, the games had started, and it was too late. It's no excuse, but I was rather upset this morning with the commissioner, and I took it out on the team," Beth told reporters.

Catalanotto, who previously was hitting .409 for the team went 3-4.

"Beth is in so much trouble for this," Dawn said, "She told me she had the line-up ready and then we went to lunch. I wish she had checked a second time."

As her punishment, Dawn made Beth tell Sass pitcher R. Johnson that he came in second as the Boston Phoenix's Unsexiest Man in the World.

“My Twins boyfriend hits a walk-off home-run in the bottom of the tenth, and I’m supposed to care what Catal--whatever did?” Beth said, “Hey, at this point I’d walk up to Johnson and tell him he’s being demoted the bullpen. In fact, I think I will.”

Johnson throws a tantrum, Part XIII: Johnson, upon hearing the news that he was named the second in the Unsexiest Man in the World, immediately took offense.

"There is no way I belong on that list. Women are attracted to me. C'mon, do you think that Wiak [Sass utility player R. Mackowiak] is sexier than I am?" Johnson ranted to reporters. The reporters all immediately shifted their eyes and started talking about what their favorite brands of shoes.

The higher, the better: It's appropriate for the Sass team to be filled with, well, sass. It's thusly right that the entire pitching staff of the Sass team decided that they were going to reverse the usual competitions and see how high they could bring their ERAs and WHIPs. Sass pitcher R. Johnson thought he had managed win in quite handy fashion with his 18.90 ERA, and his WHIP of 3.30. While he still holds the record for the WHIP, he didn’t count on Sass pitcher K. Lohse’s performance Wednesday night, ending him with an impressive 21.60 ERA.

"Jerk-head and I pitched the same day," said Sass pitcher C. Silva, "I thought for sure I had him beat in the ERA, giving up eight runs, but it took me 9 2/3 innings, so that brought my ERA down to a 8.31 ERA. At least I only have one strike-out. Poor Jerk-head has two. I thought that was the competition right there. I bow in the presence of a master like Lohse. Wow."

Starters K. Benson and T. Ohka have yet to pitch this week, so there’s still plenty of time before a new winner is declared. Ohka will start in a game this evening. Benson will likely start tomorrow, although he may be pushed off until Saturday’s game.

On the relievers side, M. Guerrier leads with his 2.40 WHIP, while J. Mateo has things in check with his 9.00 ERA. But things aren’t so smooth for all the relievers.

"Man, I'm totally losing this contest," lamented Sass reliever J.
Duchscherererer. "They never told me they were starting it, so I started to pitch like every other game I'm in. My ERA is a pathetic 0.00 and my WHIP is 1.50--I mean, higher than my other team wants it, but certain no way I can win this contest. And my other team managed to score while I was pitching, giving me the win. Oh man, I just can’t win at this."

Relievers A. Burgos also has a 0.00 ERA and 1.50 WHIP, but he does not have a win, hold, or save.

Manager Beth is irate. "Oh, I was starting to get so angry with our pitching staff. I drafted them in all good faith--well, except Tantrum-Man over there--and this is how they reward me? I was so mad. Now I'm mad at them for not telling me. This contest might be the sassiest thing they've done, and I'm quite proud of them."

Beth said she would be talking to the offense of the team, as she's pretty sure that they're doing the same thing with the lowest batting averages. An abashed offense admitted that they actually started it on Monday, when the pitchers took the day off, and with few exceptions, they're doing quite well.

“What was JEn [outfielder J. Encarnacion] thinking? He stole a base yesterday, which currently allows for our only point in an 1-11 loss to The Assassins,” Lohse said, “He’ll never win the offense competition like that!”

Offensive offense: Sass second baseman P. Polanco and Sass shortstop C. Guillen looked a little ashamed after Monday’s performance. Polanco went 4-5 with 3 RBIs. Guillen went 3-4 with 3 runs scored, 1 RBI, and a walk. Encarnacion was declared a sassy winner, in that he went 0-4, with no walks, and still managed to steal a base.

“That’s some serious sass,” third baseman E. Encarnacion said, “I mean, it’s awesome. Who else but our JEn could add insult to injury by getting on base without the benefit of a hit or walk, and then have the audacity to steal a base?”

Commissioner problems: BBL Commissioner, SBGF, has been under a lot of criticism for the decisions he has made. There have been allocations of cheating, lying, and most recently, unsportsmanlike conduct. Many members of the media--even the media in NYC--have been questioning the umpires who’ve been officiating in The Assassins games.

There have been no official investigation--obviously--but the bravado of SBGF has many concerned. He will mercilessly taunt his opponents, even when he is directly responsible for handcuffing the team from making player moves. It is deemed unfortunate by the press that too many owners of BBL teams are on friendly terms with SBGF to call for mutiny.