Notes: Trade offer refused

No benefit for Sass means no trade
By Beth Sass / hereforthesass.blogspot.com

MINNEAPOLIS -- The Here for the Sass team was offered a very unique trade on Wednesday, as TBird, owner and manager of the HoyaDestroya team offered to trade M. Ellis and B. Tomko for Sass shortstop C. Guillen and Sass pitcher B. Halsey. No deal was seen for the Sass. The official response sent to TBird was as follows:

We're sorry, but we have to say "No."

Guillen is a perfect fit in our clubhouse; his attitude is superb and we adore the cookies his wife sends in ever week.

Besides, it would make Placido Polanco cry if we traded his best friend, and you know what a sensitive artists soul he has.

Polanco, second baseman for the Sass, came to Dawn and Beth upon hearing the news and thanked the for not trading his double-play partner and good friend. Guillen agreed.

"I was so deeply touched by Beth and Dawn. I've always tried hard to be the best person I can be, both as a role model and as a friend to my teammates. It's so wonderful to find a clubhouse where that is not only appreciated, but rewarded," Guillen said. He also reported that his wife will be sending up cheesecake this week, as Clubhouse Manager Rachel keeps up the Sass cookie jar with her cookies.

Beth and Dawn said that the trade made no sense to them, because although the official rankings, which SBGF is having an illicit relationship with, are similar for all men involved in this trade, the current stats are not showing such activity.

“We may have gotten a better pitcher, but our shortstop position would’ve been drastically cut. It’s possible that Ellis would pick it up, but right now we have enough guys we’re hedging bets on. We really can’t afford one more,” Beth said.

It's all fun and games... As a warm-up for tonight's game, the Sass and Mockball teams got together to play Red Red Rover in centerfield. The Mockball team won, handily, when Sass pitcher C. Silva started telling aside jokes to whoever was standing next to him. The laughter often caused a weakness in the linked hands, allowing the opposing team to break through.

Beth and Dawn started weeping, as this seemed very reminiscent of every single pitching start of Silva's.

Sass pitcher R. Johnson refused to play at all, which is just as well because no one wanted him there anyway.

To bench or not to bench: Against their better judgment, Beth and Dawn have decided so far that Silva will be sharing the mound tomorrow with Sass pitcher R. Johnson.

"We wanted to bench him," Dawn said, "We really did. But Beth wants to give him another chance. I might bench him before the game--when she's back in the clubhouse while I hand off the line-up cards to the umpires. I know she won't get mad."

Absence makes the heart grow fonder: Beth was absent from Wednesday night's game, as often is the case, to attend church services. Many of the Sass pitchers expressed an interest in attending services with her, and they were given the night off to do so. Because the pitching staffs have become so close lately, the Mockball team joined Beth and the Sass pitchers, leaving the mound empty all evening. Sass outfielder R. Johnson, who had been sitting on the bench, and Mockball Madness utility player N. Garciaparra, also on the bench, both spent time on the mound.

It was also discovered that batting practice didn’t work very well at all. The Sass went 2-for-28 yesterday, and still maintains the lead in batting average, although going 6-for-28 no doubt helped the Mockball Madness. That Sass has decided that rather than extra batting practice for the day, they will be volunteering and teaching long division at the local elementary school. The Mockball Madness team has been invited to join them.

The Sass are currently losing to the Mockball Madness with a score of 3-7.

R. Johnson throws a tantrum, Part XXV: Upon realizing that the Sass jerseys have the names of the players on the back, Johnson threw a fit.

"On the Yankees I never had to have my name on my back!" Johnson said in disdain, "I don't need my name on my back. Everyone knows who I am!"

"Yes, yes, they do," muttered Beth.

Bubble wrap on order: Sass relief pitchers G. Balfour and J. Mateo, along with Sass outfielder R. Baldelli welcomed T. Ohka to the Sass rehabilitation facility in Nice.

“Yes! Japanese, Australian, Dominican, and American foods!” Baldelli said, excitedly. Baldelli enjoys challenges, and one of his personal challenges is to prepare meals to satisfy everyone. With the addition of Ohka to the team, he gets to add a little oriental flavor to his meals.

“I know that Medders raved about his food,” Mateo said, “But I didn’t realize how good of a chef he was until I came here myself. I know Beth has dropped by a few times, and the entire Sass team is looking forward to him re-joining the team.”

Baldelli is looking forward to attempting some food from the southern portion of the U.S., but Beth and Dawn have ordered bubble wrap to protect the remaining healthy players, so Baldelli will just have to wait until he’s back with the club.

The entire team is waiting with uncertain to find out whether Sass outfielder J. Dye would go on the DL, although currently they think sitting for a couple of days will help him.

Chutes and Ladders update: Because of the time advantage, Balfour is currently winning the Chutes and Ladders competition.

“I’m off to a good start, considering how little time I had,” Mateo said, “It would be long and I’ll pass up the Bal Boys.”

Coming up: Tonight, Johnson and Silva will both take the mound for the Sass, and K. Millwood and T. Glavine will be taking the mound for the Mockball Madness.