Pitching speaking up; bats still silent

By Nick/Mockball Madness

MINNEAPOLIS – After attending church with Sass co-owner Beth on Wednesday, Mockball Madness pitchers K. Millwood, T. Glavine, B. Wickman, B. Donnelly, and J. Rincon all turned in strong outings on Thursday.

“Nick is by no means irreligious, but he usually leaves that stuff outside the clubhouse,” explained Glavine, who pitched seven shutout innings in earning a win. “Going to church was fun, but it also helped us to realize something that Nick always tells us: no matter how into baseball we get, there are more important things out there. He always tells us that perspective is important, and that we just need to go out there and have fun.”

Mockball pitchers were having plenty of fun on the mound Thursday, posting a stellar 2.25 ERA over 24 innings of work. Millwood and Glavine were both strong in picking up wins, while Rincon struck out all three batters he faced.

“The guys are pitching their tails off,” Nick said amusedly. Nick explained that newly-acquired B. Hennessey, who struggled in his first Mockball outing, had missed church. “C. Silva had dumped sand in his car’s gas tank, so poor B couldn’t get anywhere,” Nick chuckled. “That Silva, always doing something funny.” Even Hennessey thought it was funny, though he was at first not amused.

NOTES: Still struggling with ass-bats

Nick was at a loss to explain his team’s continued struggles at the plate. “Obviously, batting practice didn’t do the trick, though it was fun. Maybe it’s that we don’t have a pitching coach,” he rationalized.

Nick then began to think out loud. “Hmm. Joe Vavra and Scott Ullger are both taken, unfortunately. How about [Sass pitcher R.] Johnson?” he mused. “He’s seen guys take so many good swings against him that he knows how to smack the ball around.” Nick was excited, but then sighed as he realized, “Oh yeah. Johnson’s a total ass-clown. Never mind.”

“Oh well,” Nick concluded. “I have confidence that our guys will pick it up soon.”