Notes: Thursdays bring a change

An old-fashioned book-burning to help
By Beth Sass / hereforthesass.blogspot.com

MINNEAPOLIS -- "I'm normally not in favor of book-burnings," said Sass outfielder and avid reader, A. Dunn, "But this situation calls for it. Beth clearly explained her reasoning, and I'm more than willing to help out."

Although Beth explained that no books would actually be burned, she has banned all copies of "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"--which has become a clubhouse favorite--from the clubhouse.

"It contains the line, 'It must be Thursday. I never got the hang of Thursdays'," Beth said. "Clearly, the Sass took that line to heart and adopted it as their motto, because they don't have the hang of Thursdays."

The Sass, last Thursday, went a collective 0-19, with limited players available. Yesterday, the Sass went an impressive 8-for-35, which is a stellar .228 batting average, although Nick from Mockball Madness noted that his team hit even worse. Amusingly enough, outfielder E. Brown, who has had limited playing time, went 3-for-4 with a run scored, against fellow Sass teammate pitcher C. Silva. Dunn also hit his second home run of the week, although it was a solo shot that was the extent of his production this week.

"Thursdays can't end soon enough," Beth said.

Not quite Naked Batting Practice: Watching the Sass hit--or pretend to hit--on Wednesday and Thursday brought Dawn and Beth to complete frustration.

"We tried games to loosen them up. We tried coloring pictures to bond them. We tried all sorts of things, but nothing was working. In a fit of frustration, I suggested to Beth that we make them take batting practice in their underwear. I was surprised when she accepted," Dawn said.

The Sass will take Underwear Batting Practice before today's games.

"If that doesn't work," Beth said, "We're benching the entire team and WE'RE going to go out there and play."

Johnson throws a tantrum, Part XXVI: Sass pitcher R. Johnson threw a tantrum on Thursday night. Since the institution of tall socks of the Sass team uniform, Johnson has been protesting it. He was quite irate this morning when Silva declared that the home pink uniforms would be worn, which requires the pink tall socks.

"No one looks good in pink!" Johnson said. "Well, maybe some of the guys do, but I don't. I should be allowed to wear the home white uniforms!"

Johnson spent so much time focusing on the uniforms, he was unable to concentrate on the game, which allowed his opponents to hit off of him like he was Silva prior to the discovery of the error in his mechanics. Johnson gave up 7 hits and 2 walks in his outing. Johnson would come to the dugout during the bottom of the innings demanding that the entire team go change to the white uniforms, while Silva was adamant in staying with the pink, even if Johnson thought he looked bad.

Outfielder J. Encarnacion weighed in, "Actually, pink is a color Johnson should wear more often. It's a warm color which would make him look less surly. Beyond that, it would complement his complexion nicely."

In training: Sass pitcher A. Burgos and Sass third baseman E. Encarnacion spent most of the afternoon putting together a train set that currently wraps all around the Sass clubhouse.

Trade pending: Beth and Dawn confirmed that they had made a deal with goesboom from Go Boom!, but would not release the names of the players involved, or any other terms, although Beth did report that "Mrs. Guillen's cookies" were definitely involved.

Sass shortstop C. Guillen has started to pack his locker, but Clubhouse Manager Rach has assured him that, while she was not privy to the details of the trade, she's quite certain he's reacting too quickly.

The secrecy stems from fears that Commissioner SBGF will decline.