Notes: Hitting on a tear

Putting in the bench players helps
By Beth Sass / hereforthesass.blogspot.com

ARLINGTON -- With limited playing time available on Monday, the Sass was forced to pull in many of their bench players, and still had to go without a catcher or third baseman.

“Michael [Cuddyer] was our utility man,” Beth said, “So he had to take over third base. It’s fine, although I like him in the outfield better. That bit about covering for the catcher, well, that was something new to him and he did okay.”

The refugees from the Kansas City Royals, Emil Brown, Mark Grudzilanek, and Doug Mientkiewicz, hit a collective 4/9 with a walk, run, and three RBIs. The Twins representatives, Michael Cuddyer and Little Nicky Punto went a collective 4-7 with two runs and a walk.

Meanwhile, regular players Juan Encarnacion and Frank Catalanotto went 1/6 with a walk.

Ambiorix Burgos went 1.1 innings in relief, picking up two strike-outs and a save. Unfortunately, giving up a solo home run, a single, and a walk meant his ERA soared to 6.75 and his WHIP went up to 3.00.

“Hey, despite having only a relief pitcher yesterday, we’re winning in two pitching categories, saves and strike-outs,” Beth said, “When neut had an actual real starting pitcher pitching against us, it’s pretty impressive that we’re ahead in the strike-outs.”

With Carlos Silva on the mound tonight for the Sass, it would not surprise the Sass to see them losing in the strike-out category--unless a couple of relief pitchers managed to take the mound and help out.

Lawn moving needed: Beth and Dawn sheepishly admitted that the reason for the success of Little Nicky and Michael--who also happen to be their boyfriends--is that they were threatened before the game.

“We noticed the outfield grass was getting long before we left Sass Stadium on Sunday,” Beth said, “So we told them if they didn’t hit well tonight, they were mowing the outfield tonight. We found a couple of old-fashioned push lawn mowers in the shed that they were going to have to use.”

Little Nicky and Michael expressed great displeasure in the idea of push-mowing the entire outfield, and promptly stepped up their hitting. Little Nicky, already the league leader in infield hits, bunted for a hit, and beat out a throw from the shortstop for a second infield hit.

“Little Nicky can fly!” Dawn said, enthusiastically.

Beth and Dawn are already planning on holding back Kyle Lohse from his next start--which they did last time, as well--to allow him time to fly back to Sass stadium and mow the outfield before the Sass return their for their weekend series.

It’s the hair: Sass outfielder Juan Encarnacion has been slumping a bit this year, and Beth and Dawn are clueless how to help him. They’ve spent hours with JEn and Sass hitting coach Michael Restovich, watching tapes of JEn’s at-bats, tapes of other pitchers, but so far have not found anything.

“Right now, everything just seems to be working wrong,” Mikey said, “He’s just not seeing the ball, and is trying to force hits, rather than relaxing in the batter’s box and taking his swings.”

JEn has started to come in for extra batting practice with Mikey, as well as many other coaches on the Sass team. Even Clubhouse Manager Rach has been seen down on the field trying to help. While his hitting has picked up lately, it’s still not quite up to past performances, so it was time to take more drastic measures.

“We decided a system of rewards and punishments was in order,” Dawn said, “We’ve taken away all the hair-care products he gets from Bradke. For each hit he gets, he can have one more back. Each time he hits with ass-bats, we take one away. We’re hoping this helps.”

There’s always time for a party! The Sass had to reasons to celebrate Tuesday morning when they entered the clubhouse in Arlington. First, they found they were tied with neut, the Steinbrenner of the BFL, and it was newest Sass pitcher Aaron Harang’s 28th birthday.

“Aaron H. helped us get rid of pitcher R. Johnson, so we’re deeply indebted to him anyway,” Dawn said, “And we’re always read for a party.”

In honor of the party, Ghetto Cub balloons are being shipped from Minnesota to Arlington. For a change of pace, pancake cake was not ordered, but instead Rachel and Mrs. Guillen both baked--Rachel made German chocolate cake, and Mrs. Guillen made strawberry cheesecake.

Aaron H. will be given the night off from pitching, allowing him to enjoy the food in the clubhouse and balloons in the dugout. Matt Guerrier has said that the bullpen will be playing music in honor of Aaron H.’s birthday.

“I usually don’t bring my guitar down to the bullpen, but today I’ll make an exception. I don’t expect to pitch anyway, because I only pitch when we’re losing, and we’re not going to lose for Aaron’s birthday,” Matt said.

It was also a party to celebrate the current tie the Sass have with Team neut.

"Amazing," was the only word out of Brandon Medder's mouth.

Late posting: The Sass would like to apologize for the late posting of today’s Notes. Blogger was not working. It was discovered to be SBGF’s fault.