Notes: Home again!

Road trip comes to an end
By Beth Sass / hereforthesass.blogspot.com

ARLINGTON -- The Here for the Sass team just finished a tough series on the road and are looking forward to returning home to Minneapolis to begin their home stand, still against Team neut. While they were gone, changes were taking place at Sass stadium, most notably to the outfield.

"You mean they finally mowed the grass out there," Michael Cuddyer said, incredulously, "That's great news to hear. Obviously, it's very difficult to field when you're fighting your way through tall grass. You can't pick up speed to run to chase balls, and they don't bounce, and when they do land in the grass, it becomes a treasure hunt to find them."

Beth and Dawn admitted that when they brought the team to the historic Sass Stadium in Minneapolis, they hired everything for the team, except for grounds crew.

"The bullpen and starting pitchers actually do the dragging of the infield dirt--whoever's not pitching is out there. We knew something had to be done about the grass, but we weren't thinking of it when we moved in here," Dawn said.

Because of that, it was decided that the Sass would punish their poor-performers by making them mow the grass, and Kyle got the job. Kyle admitted that his "punishment" for poor pitching wasn't really a punishment.

"I love mowing lawns. It reminds me of being a child. My favorite thing to do on the farm was to mow hay, and mowing the outfield reminds me of that," he said, happily.

When Kyle was done mowing the lawn, he snuck over to join the Minnesota Twins, and ended up starting pitching for them, where he performed excellently.

"I wish I had known he was going to pull a good outing out of his hat. We would've had him down here pitching for us. He said the mowing helped him relax. If that's true, the boy is now in charge of all field maintenance," Beth said.

Winning! Beth and Dawn were a bit stunned, but very pleased, to discover they at the end of their road trip, they had a 5-4 edge over Team neut.

“It’s a bit weird. After all those weeks where we weren’t very good at all, suddenly all the faith I had in the boys is paying off. I knew they were a good group when we drafted them, and it’s good to see them settling in like this. I’m so happy,” said Beth.

The team is tied in saves, wins, and home runs, and is currently leading in runs, RBIs, walks, batting average, and ERA. They are losing in stolen bases, strike-outs, holds, and WHIP.

Bookworm heaven Sass outfielder Adam Dunn admits that focusing while in Arlington is difficult. "There's an awesome used book store not too far from the stadium. I usually pick up at least a couple of books on the way to the game. When I'm down here I always feel inspired to read westerns, and there's no shortage of those. You just can't find the selection in any other city in the BFL."

Beth and Dawn joined Adam in his trip to the bookstore on Wednesday morning, and both were delighted with the charming shop, and the absolutely sweet old lady who ran it.

"We walked in there strangers, but I'm pretty sure we'll be sending Christmas letters from now on," Dawn said. "She immediately knew the exact type of books I like--without me even asking!"

The three also picked up a selection of books to donate to Reed Johnson's "Reed to Kids" program.

Hanging out in the bullpen: The Sass only have four pitchers down in the bullpen, which leads to many dull afternoons and evenings.

"Once a couple of us get called into a game, it could quickly get dull. The bullpen coach and catcher are nice and friendly, so that helps. But still, just sitting and talking is really not something any of us enjoy. So last week, we brought pens and paper down with us. We've now started a hangman competition," Ambiorix Burgos said.

It was reported that Justin Duchscherererer was very good at guessing the words, but had horrid spelling abilities when trying to make his own puzzles. Ambiorix's drawing skills often leave the others in stitches--because he doesn't put much effort into the hanging man, it's often a joke that it's a blob, not a man. Brandon Medders, a linguistics enthusiast, was the the hands-down winner every day, so it has become a competition to see who can beat him.

"Matt [Guerrier] is the easiest person to guess. It's always got something to do with music or bands. But his drawings are the most meticulous, and his handwriting is so legible--it really helps us," Justin said, "I know Ambiorix and I have pretty bad handwriting. Beth would probably kill us if she saw how sloppy we were."

Fans from afar: The Sassians were excited on Wednesday when the Batcave's own mmmarkiep came to watch the game. Beth and Dawn had him set up in the owner's suite, with all the food and drink he could desire--including an unlimited supply of Diet Cherry Coke to spill, should that old superstition be needed.

"Well, last year in the game threads for the Twins, he spilled some Diet Cherry Coke on his pants, and the Twins scored. From that point on, we made him spill every time we were in a clutch hitting situation. I don't remember how well it worked," Beth admitted.

Hormel, who serves hot dogs at Sass Stadium, often brings their Hormel Row of Fame to visiting parks when the Sass play. In honor of mmmarkie, the Sassians had the music stop mid-song, so mmmarkie could once again enjoy "You could win a Hor-"

Beth fell off the bench in the dugout, and ended up rolling on the floor laughing. Injuries were minor, and she's expected to be ready for Thursdays game.

Change of Charities: Kyle Lohse and the rest of the Sassians decided recently that playing at home on Sunday, which is Mother’s Day, as well as the day of the Race for the Cure, that their pink uniforms fit in well with breast cancer awareness, and began planning events around it. However, recently MLB decided to support breast cancer awareness, with some of the players using pink bats.

“We’re unconventional with pink uniforms,” Sass outfielder Juan Encarnacion said, “But there’s just something dreadfully wrong about pink baseball pats. It just makes me shudder to think about it.”

Kyle, after mowing the lawn and pitching for the Twins, started a new campaign for Heart Disease.

“I called some of the guys down in Arlington immediately when I heard about MLB, and we decided that we couldn’t do it. Dawn pointed out to me that heart disease was the number one killer among women. I didn’t realize this, but I think it’s more important that people become aware of heart disease than breast cancer. And, honestly, I think it makes some women a little nervous that we care that much about their breasts.”

In support of the American Heart Association, the Sass uniforms will be fitted with red hearts for the remainder of the year. In honor of Mother’s Day, all women over 18 attending Sunday’s game will receive a “Go Red For Women” wrist band. All profits from the day will be divided among various organizations supporting women.

Fired? BFL commissioner SBGF has declared that Kyle is an imposter, and “sucks”. SBGF said he believes that Kyle should not hold the position of pitcher for any team in baseball and should be replaced by the latest child phenom.

“I did not draft Kyle to be an ace,” Beth said. “I’m as aware as anyone of his failings. I’m also aware that while he is not perfect, he is not the worst pitcher in baseball. I believe somewhere in the past, Kyle hurt SBGF’s feelings--not difficult to do, really--and Brian won’t forgive him.”