Notes: Battle of the Titans off to good start

Match-up of the week on BFL a nail-biter
By Beth Sass / hereforthesass.blogspot.com

DETROIT -- Here for the Sass faces Mmmm…Guinness this week, in what has been advertised as one of the best match-ups in the BFL to date. Usually, opposing managers start the week by saying, “Wow! The Sass are here to play this week!” before the Sassians relax a bit, allowing the other team to win. There’s no such luxury this week. This week, the Sass are competing for the title of the Worst Team in the BFL. They’ve managed to keep the score tied 5-5 (neither team has a save or a win--unsurprisingly, leaving them tied in those two categories).

“They’ve done exactly what I expected of them,” Heraldguy, owner and manager of Mmmm…Guinness reported, “They’ve got a random group of guys that they put together and pretend are a team. Although why they have their catcher playing left field has baffled me.”

It was reported that Adam Dunn wanted to try catching, and A.J. Pierzynski was hankering to spend some time not behind the plate.

“I really liked my day of pitching a couple of weeks ago,” A.J. said with a grin, “But Beth looked about ready to explode when I suggested it, so I conceded to left field. Besides, Dunn kinda looks like a catcher, so it made more sense for us to switch.”

It amuses players, which is the ultimate goal for the Sass team, although winning would be a very very nice thing, too.

"It'll be a good competition all week. I know I'm leading by a long shot in runs so far, but the week is still early, so we can't give up," Heraldguy said. "I'm hoping for a win here."

The Battle of the Titans continues all week, drawing sell-out crowds. The Sass report that they only home game they’d play during the week was Monday, where they had their first ever sell-out crowd.

“It could’ve been a great week for profits here at Sass Stadium, but it’s not to be,” Dawn said.

Last minute line-up change: Sassians visiting the Mmmm…Guinness stadium were shocked when they saw the starting line-up included Kyle Lohse as a pitcher.

“Even I was shocked,” said Rachel, the clubhouse manager. “I was sure Beth said that Kyle would be back in Minnesota mowing the outfield grass yesterday--there’s been a lot of rain recently, and it was supposed to be nice Tuesday.”

However, when the Sass took the field, a line-up change was announced, and Kyle was not pitching. It was reported that he declared before the game that he did not want to pitch. There was no word on the reasons, but upon his return to Minnesota, he pitched briefly for the Twins, pulling out a performance that even embarrassed his mother.

In the meantime, Carlos Guillen’s snuck in a game against the Minnesota Twins during some down-time. Beth was present for the game, and caught him getting actual real hits off of not only got a hit and walk off of Lohse, but also walked against fellow Sassian Matt Guerrier.

“Matt was there to get a little practice time in,” Beth said, “But Carlos G. was supposed to be back taking fielding practice with Newmie [Sass bench coach Al Neman].”

It was decided that for a punishment, he has to wash all the socks of the Sass players.

Chutes and Ladders update: Reporting from Nice, Dawn has reported that Julio Mateo has managed to take the lead in the DL Chutes and Ladders Competition. Despite being on the DL for a short period, he managed to out-score both Grant Balfour and Rocco Baldelli, who have been on the DL since the season started.

“It is so unfair!” Baldelli said, as he looked at the scoreboard. “No matter what Grant or I do, we just can’t pull out a win! I think Grant was leading for a while after Medders joined the team, but pretty much neither of us have put together any consecutive wins.”

The physicians and trainers in Nice have reported that it’s possible for Mateo to re-join the Sass as soon as Thursday, but Beth and Dawn are thinking about holding him back until Sunday. “It all depends on what our match-ups look like,” Dawn said, sipping a mojito, as Tomo Ohka painted her toenails to match her sundress.

The trainers also said that Rocco Baldelli might be ready to play in some minor league games next week. They suggested two weeks, at least, of minor league games before allowing him to re-join the team, but no time-frame has been decided upon.

Dawn is uncertain when she’ll return from Nice. “I think it’s very important for one of us to be here to keep an eye on the four guys here. The e-mail communication is usually stellar, as well as the occasional pop-ins by Beth, but I think it’s great for me to be here,” she said, as she accepted another piece of cheesecake and a shawl from Justin Duchscherererer, as the evening started to cool.

How low can you go? Sass First Base coach Augie Ojeda said that he prefers it when Adam hits home runs.

“The man is 6’6” tall. When I stand next to him at first base, I feel like we should have cell phones to talk. It sucks that almost all of Aaron H.’s hits are singles. He’s even taller. Fortunately, I don’t usually have to talk to him about plays. When we talk in the clubhouse, we’re usually sitting, so the height different isn’t quite so exaggerated,” Augie said.

Augie, Little Nicky Punto, and Placido Polanco--the only Sassians under 6 feet tall--often harass their taller teammates. They will often ask, “Why don’t you play basketball? You’re so tall!” All three men regularly wear t-shirts that say, “Why, yes, I do play miniature golf”, so the taller Sassians have no come-back line.

Speaking of… The Sass team have announced their First Annual Mini-Golf Extravaganza will take on Memorial Day.

“There are so many golf tournaments, often for charities, that it’s really expected of us. I can’t golf. I have no idea if Dawn can golf. I’m sure there are many fans out there who would like to partake in some of these tournaments, but can’t golf either. Well, anyone can do mini-golf and have fun,” Beth said.

The proceeds from the tournament will go towards charities supported by the Sass, including the American Heart Association and Reed to Kids children’s literacy program.

The awards will be the Augie Ojeda Award for the best score, the Little Nicky Punto award for second place, and the Placido Polanco award for third place.

“It’s according to height; the shorter the Sassian, the higher the level of the prize,” Carlos Silva exclaimed gleefully.

To sign up for the event, call the Sass Hotline, or check their web site. All participants will receive a t-shirt, lunch, and tickets to a future Sass game.

The Sass will also have a silent auction, as well as a raffle with such items as game-worn jerseys, tickets to Minnesota Twins and Swarm games, blankets, bobbleheads, and a chance to be bat-boy for the day.