Possible cheating in BFL

Suspicious activity in the front offices
By Beth Sass / hereforthesass.blogspot.com

MINNEAPOLIS -- The Here for the Sass front office reported that they were questioned by investigators Wednesday night after the game.

"They were very vague about what information they were looking for, but in talking, Beth and I have been able to piece some things together," Dawn said.

The questioning led to the quality of play by Sassians in the week they faced BFL Commissioner SBGF's team, the Assassins, and how it's comparing to the play of the Sassians this current week as they face Jello Fighters, run by Babs and Twink.

"It never occurred to us until we started getting questioning that the colossal collapses that week and so far this week might be related," Beth said, "But by our 11-1 loss--our greatest to date--that week, and our so far 'craptacular', as "Nick" would said, performance this week, it just seems a little too much to be a coincidence."

The investigators hinted at the fact that Babs previously dated SBGF and Twink currently dating SBGF might have led to some similar not-quite-fair-play.

Speaking under an anonymous cover, one investigator admitted that there was well-documented animosity towards Beth and Dawn by SBGF, and by extension Babs. Presently there is no information regarding Twink, but the investigators are keeping close tabs on the situation.

"We don't know if they're cheating," Beth said, "But it just seems a little too similar. At the time, we had That Pitcher [R. Johnson] on our team, so it wouldn't have surprised us to find out that he was the culprit in our downfall. However, he's long gone, and we fully trust our current group of players."

Both ladies were unsure if the investigation was because of illegal drugs being secretly given to the Sassians that made their style of play much worse than normal, or if there was paying off of officials to make sure calls did not go the Sassians' way.

Apology Letters: Going a combined 8 innings and giving up 9 earned runs was not the way Beth and Dawn anticipated the starts of pitchers Kristin Benson and Aaron Harang.

Both men were shocked when they received official Sass stationery, pens, and the address list to write apology letters to fans for their performances.

"Whoa. I did not take them seriously when they said we'd have to do this," Aaron H. said in shock. "I think what made it really hit home was when the entire front office was critiquing our writing--from content to grammar to neatness. I had to rewrite a lot of my letters until I got the hang of it. This is truly evil. It makes me realize that I never want to disappoint them again. There's no saying what other evil punishment lurks in their minds."

Beth had no comment, but was heard mumbling unintelligibly and glaring in the general direction of Kristin and Aaron.

Not really hurt: Little Nicky Punto again showed the Sass front office that his knee injury wasn't worth thinking about, going 2-3 in Wednesday's game.

"It hurts, sure, but it's not like I can't play," Little Nicky said.

Ron Gardenhire, of the Minnesota Twins had often dealt with Little Nicky's injuries, and had informed the Sass staff that stopping him was not an option. Nicky's style of all-out play is what attracted the Sass Front Office to him, and why they were quite eager to get him in a trade. They deny it had anything to do with his being Dawn's boyfriend, although other members of the Sass recall him spending a lot of time on the bench when he first joined the team.

"I'm not going to question them, though," said outfielder Juan Encarnacion, "Otherwise, I'd never be allowed to pick what sort of apples we have in the clubhouse again, I'm dying for some Granny Smiths."

Recovering: Relief pitcher Matt Guerrier will be heading to the Nice Guys on Friday to start his rehab assignment. In a simulated game, he threw well. He reported the most amusing part was seeing fellow DLer, Grant Balfour, sitting in the stands, eating popcorn and a hot dog.

"He sang the Sass Theme song, did the Wave all by himself, booed the mock-umpires. I've never seen anything funnier in my life," Matt said.

Matt also reported that he has required Grant to play Chutes and Ladders all by himself as soon as he left the DL.

"It just isn't the DL without Chutes and Ladders," Matt said, "There was no way I was going to let him stop that when he's all by himself."

Outfielder Rocco Baldelli sighed when he heard the report, "Man, I miss those days with Grant, playing Chutes and Ladders, taunting the french, laying on the beach in Nice. Those were good times. I hope he gets better soon." Rocco and Grant spent the first two months of the year on the DL, and got to know one another quite well.

Tonight: Against her better judgment, Beth is sending Chan Ho Park to the mound tonight. It's not that she has anything in particular against Chan Ho, but she's rather perturbed at all pitchers at the moment.