Notes: Letters of apology

Pitchers coming together; management falls
By Beth Sass / hereforthesass.blogspot.com

MINNEAPOLIS -- The Here for the Sass team has taken to punishing poor pitching by sending pitchers on writing campaigns following bad showings. After each poor performance, the pitchers are required to write letters of apology to the fans. As the team is currently winning the ERA battle, the new form of rewards and punishments seems to work. However, on Tuesday, Beth needed to borrow the address list from the pitchers.

“I assumed Little Nicky [Punto] was going to need to sit out a game after his injury on Monday, so I took him out of the line-up. The medical staff then told me he was okay, so he meandered across town and played a game for the Minnesota Twins, where he played very well. We really needed him on our team last night, particularly after some people didn’t do well at all,” Beth said. “Dawn picked a much better boyfriend than I did.”

Rach and Dawn worked together to make homemade chicken noodle soup, which Little Nicky reported helped immensely in his recovery.

Memo heeded: Mockball Madness manager "Nick", a good friend of the Here for the Sass team, sent a note to the Sassians mentioning, "You'll have to be on your toes against the Jello Fighters. They're capable of turning a big deficit into a big win in a hurry."

The Sassians heeded that memo.

"They decided that rather than getting a big lead and losing it, they were just going to start out far behind so they wouldn't have to worry about it," Beth said, annoyed.

Dawn was heard pondering, "Is it better to have a big lead, and lose it, or to never lead at all?"

How do you like them apples? “I was that close to getting the opportunity to chose the type of apples available after Wednesday’s game,” was the lament heard from outfielder Rocco Baldelli, who hit a single off of Wombats starter Francisco Liriano, allowing for the lone unearned run to mar Frisco’s perfect game. This displeased Beth and Dawn, who are huge fans of the Minnesota Twins, where Frisco is from.

Beth has instated the reward system that whichever Sassian does the best on any night, will pick the type of apples in the post-game celebration the next night. This gives Clubhouse Manager Rach enough time to procure the required apples. Instead of Rocco, the honors when to outfielder Jermaine Dye and Adam Dunn, who both went 2/4. Beth reported that by striking out against Frisco earlier in the game, Rocco had almost earned the honors of choosing apples for the clubhouse post-game the next day.

I want Will: Sassians were a bit confused early Tuesday when Dawn was heard wistfully saying, “I want Will.” Dawn already has a whole crew of males vying for her attention, so the Sassians were taken back by the statement.

“I mean, there’s no question in any of our minds that Nick [of Mockball Madness] wins any sort of competition. Dawn enjoys spending time with Nicky and A.J., too, although not nearly as much. And suddenly she’s wanting yet another guy? I don’t get it,” said second baseman Placido Polanco.

However, when Will showed up at Sass Stadium late Tuesday, Dawn cheerfully led him to the kitchen, where he began to wash the dishes. While Rocco loves to cook, and all Sassians enjoy eating his food, there is very little time for cleaning up. It became clear that Dawn wanted Will to wash dishes. Why Will in particular was chosen was unknown.

DL update: While relief pitcher Matt Guerrier is impatiently waiting his turn to play for the Nice Guys in Nice, it turns out fellow reliever Grant Balfour will also be waiting for his return. Grant has pitched two innings before being sidelined with a sore muscle. The trainers are working with him, and are requiring a bullpen session before he returns to action in his rehab assignment.

Coming up: In a day-night double-header, Kristin Benson will take the mound this afternoon and Aaron Harang will take the mound this evening. Both are hoping to improve their records and help the Sass pick up their pace.