Notes: Another Sassian All-Star

”Fans are stupid”
By Beth Sass / hereforthesass.blogspot.com

ARLINGTON -- The Here for the Sass grudgingly admitted that A.J. Pierzynski was voted in on the final ballot for Major League Baseball’s All-Star game. A.J. will be playing for the American League.

“Like I said yesterday: What the [censored]? I mean, I’m honored and all, but that roster already had two catchers--AND the final ballot had TWO catchers, and I wasn’t even the best of those two. I’m happy to be going. It’s a total thrill, but I’m just confused,” A.J. said.

A.J. also mentioned that he would be sending a gift basket to Firsco Liriano as an apology gift. “I can’t help it that the fans are stupid,” A.J. said, “And nothing can change that. I know the gift won’t replace the opportunity to go to the All Star game, but hopefully in years to come, we’ll be seeing a lot of Frisco at All Star games.”

Clubhouse Manager Rach had A.J. wrapped in an extra layer of bubble wrap, so players and front office members alike could take their anger out on him.

“I know he didn’t choose this,” said outfielder Jermaine Dye, who was with A.J. on the south Chicago team last year, “And it totally rocks that a teammate is going with me to Pittsburgh, but I have to agree with him. Fans are stupid.”

A.J. has reported that his shoes seem to be constantly tied in knots, along with the legs of his pants, and his bed has been short-sheeted at least once.

“I have no idea how any of this could’ve happened,” said Rach, “Or at least, how it could’ve happened without anyone asking me to help them.”

The Heat of the Night: The Sass team flew into Texas for their next series of play against Johan es mi novio. While most of the players complained about the heat, infielder Little Nicky Punto was thrilled.

“I don’t like the heat so much as I like water activities. The hotter it is, the better it feels to be in the water,” Little Nicky said.

Little Nicky enjoys all water sports, and is trained in SCUBA, one of his favorite activities that he rarely gets a chance to participate in during baseball season. As he had been given the day off on Thursday, he spent a couple of hours at a local aquarium in the water among the fish.

“It’s super. I’m glad for the day of rest to just look at the beautiful colors under the water. It was relaxing,” Little Nicky said.

Little Nicky said that Rach had suggested the outing. Rach later admitted that she wanted Little Nicky out of the clubhouse, so that Beth would not accidentally punch him while aiming for A.J.


Little Nicky SCUBA dives at a local aquarium. His signature green Speedo was worn outside of his diving outfit to ensure he was recognizable.

You’re kidding, right? Beth made Dawn sit down, and had doctors check her blood pressure before delivering the news Thursday night. "A Sass starter not only had a quality start, but he picked up a win," Beth reported. Chan Ho Park pitched 7 innings, giving up 3 runs, the best a Sass starters has done this week. He also now has a team-leading 6 strike-outs.

Physicians were on hand to prevent Dawn from fainting entirely.

“I decided that might not be the best time to mention that Adam Dunn stole a base,” Beth said.

Over the fence: Jermaine, who has 3 stole bases on the year, to Adam’s 2, hit home run number 22 last night, which brings him 1 closer to Adam’s team-leading 27.

“I will catch up to that punk kid. He’s been hitting better lately, but it’s been more for contact and base-hits, not home runs,” Jermaine said.

“Oh, just you wait, old man,” Adam said.

A.J., feeling bad about the whole trouble of the All-Star voting, decided to apologize to the Sass front office the best way he knew how, and followed up Jermaine’s home run with one of his own.

“I figured it was the least I could do for the team,” A.J. said.

Coming up: Friday night will see Kristin Benson and Carlos Silva try to improve on their performances from last week, in order to prevent Beth and Dawn from openly weeping in the clubhouse. Saturday will see Aaron Harang take the mound, and Sunday Aaron Cook will be pitching, both in hopes of improving their weekly record.