Notes: Refresher course for pitchers

What to do; What not to do
By Beth Sass / hereforthesass.blogspot.com

MINNEAPOLIS -- The Here for the Sass announced that the entire pitching staff, with the exception of Carlos Silva, will be required to attend the “That is a Very Bad Idea” presentation that will . Earlier this year, after the Sass played the Assassins, Beth and Dawn gave the presentation for the first time. The purpose of the presentation is to remind the pitching staff that playing to lose is a very bad idea, and that neither manager appreciates the “Who Can Do Worse” competition.

“I noticed after Carlos S.’s pitching on Monday, that the entire Sass staff seemed to start pitching like they were little league players. You might say that Aaron [Harang}’s performance was pretty good based on ERA and WHIP, but we hired him to strike people out,” Beth said.

Relief pitcher Brad Halsey has just as many strike-outs as Aaron H. in 5 fewer innings. Beth and Dawn did note that she wasn't upset with Aaron H., but just concerned about how he might be affected by other Sassian pitchers in future games.

"He might decide to compete to get a worse ERA to go with the strike-outs, and that is highly frowned upon," Dawn said.

The only members of the starting rotation who were present for the first round of the presentation were Carlos S. and Kristin Benson. Kristin was the best pitcher for the Sass the last time the starting rotation held the competition, so the belief in the front office is that he felt the need to win the competition this time, by pitching the worst.

“Obviously, Carlos S. got the message last time,” Dawn said, “But Kristin did not, so he will definitely be required to sit through the presentation as a refresher.”

The relief corps will also be required to attend the lecture, as Beth and Dawn cannot really remember who was on the team last time, and Beth lost the attendance sheet.

“It’s on my desk somewhere, but I’ve got no idea where,” Beth said, looking at the piles of paper surrounding her.

Cookie! Little Nicky Punto collected his cookie from Beth after the game on Wednesday. Sitting on the bench in the dugout in the game, Beth randomly turned to Little Nicky and said, “I’ll give you a cookie if you get a hit in this at-bat.” Little Nicky delivered a solid single to right in his next at-bat.

Delay in game: Wednesday’s game was delayed briefly when Beth ran out to the field to fix second base. While it was securely in place, Beth noticed that it was not quite squarely lined up with first and third base, and she found that disconcerting. Play resumed after the brief time-out for Beth to fix the problem.

This prompted teasing harassment by the Sassians in the dugout, often referring to Beth as obsessive.

“It wouldn’t be called obsessive if you guys would just notice things!” Beth said, jokingly.

Umpiring troubles continue: The Sass have had some umpiring problems all year, particularly in regards to the agreement of the strike zone. Relief pitcher Justin Duchschererererer has managed to hack into the scoreboards, so he has taken to putting up balls and strikes as they actually happen, and not necessarily what the umpire calls.

“It saves us so much time and energy when we know that the right calls are being made. It was getting annoying being ejected so many times arguing that the umpires were messing up calls. There are some good umpires out there, but we’d like to make sure all the calls are the right ones,” Beth said.

Beth and Dawn have been ejected a few times for arguing balls and strikes, although not quite as many as Nick of Mockball Madness. So far both have evaded being suspended for their ejections. But how much have they been fined for their ejections?

“I think a better question is how much have we paid for being ejected, which is zero,” Dawn said, “Commissioner SBGF, for all his talk, is just a big baby, and really has no authority to collect fines, even if he is the Commissioner.”

Upcoming Events: Fans are reminded that they will need to get their tickets for this weekend’s series. Very few seats remain for Saturday’s and Sunday’s games. Saturday the Sass will celebrate Canada Day, with free mini-Canadian flags to be given to all fans entering the park. Rheal Cormier, the only Canadian Sassian, will lead the fans in singing the Canadian national anthem, “O Canada” before the game.

Because the Sass will be out of town on the Fourth of July, the Sassians will celebrate the Fourth on Sunday. All fans attending the game will receive a mini-American flag, as well as a copy of the Declaration of Independence. All American Sassians will lead the National anthem, “The Star Spangled Banner”, before the game.

Tonight: Tonight is a league-required minimal-playing time evening. The Sassians will only be able to play a few players. There will be no starting pitching tonight, as all will be required to take part in a team bonding exercise after the “That is a Very Bad Idea” presentation. All relievers will be available for use, however. They will be playing without a third baseman, shortstop, and utility player to comply with league mandate.