Notes: More hellos and good-byes

Surprising return from the past
By Beth / hereforthesass.blogspot.com

MINNEAPOLIS -- Sassians walked into the clubhouse Friday afternoon to notice something unusual. Justin Duchscherererererer’s computer was put together. Since he left for a stint on the DL, his computer had been in pieces in front of his locker. Rumors quickly spread through the clubhouse, assuming that possibly new accountant olbiemn was a computer nerd, too, and put it back together. A few Sassians speculated that Justin actually returned to the team, but those were quickly dismissed as wild, crazy dreams.

However, after the game Friday, the team was in the clubhouse, and Justin walked in, returning from a final test of pitching against major league hitters by doing a final tune-up game with the Oakland A’s, which was deemed a success.

“It’s so good to be back,” Justin said, with obvious delight, “Nice is a great place, and the other guys on the DL are awesome, but it’s just nice to be back with the team--back with the guys--and ladies--I know.”

The management was equally delighted to see Justin back, and welcomed him with great glee.

“Justin’s back! Justin’s back!” Beth shouted as he entered the clubhouse. Beth and Justin were seen over the weekend looking at some new stats software Justin had been working on while on the DL.

Good-bye? With the return of Justin to the line-up, Beth and Dawn went with the agonizing decision of who to cut. Looking through rankings, stats, and finally flipping coins, Beth and Dawn decided that Brandon Medders was currently needed more by Equipment and Uniform Manager KatHarriet. Kat is currently redesigning the uniforms, and Brandon had been assisting her.

“We’re very excited about these new uniforms,” Dawn said, “We’d like to get them out in the field as soon as possible. It made more sense to get Brandon concentrating full-time on the uniforms rather than wasting away in the bullpen. Justin and Brandon had nearly the same role on the team, and, frankly, Justin has a better last name.”

When the uniforms are completed, Brandon and Kat will then work on preventive-health care initiatives, with hopes they’ll find solutions to the oft-occurring injuries by Sassians.

“I love working with Kat,” Brandon said, bubbling over with excitement, “Her effervescent personality keeps the mood light, and there is rarely a moment where we’re not laughing.”

If a solution to the injuries is found, the Sass made sell their ideas to the Jello Fighters, who have been, unbelievably to Sass fans, having more of a problem with injuries than the Sass.

Time out!: Sass manager Dawn called a time-out during games this weekend. Little Nicky Punto played third base all weekend for the Sass, and, per his usual gung-ho playing style, ended up sliding in the dirt. Dawn often had to call for time to brush the dirt off of Little Nicky’s uniform.

“The Sass have a reputation of style to maintain,” Dawn said, “And the dirty uniform just wrecks the whole image. We have no intentions of making Little Nicky stop his style of play. We enjoy the fact that he’s willing to get his uniform dirty by trying his hardest to get to base.”

Ice Cream Party: The Sass won the series against Gassner’s All-stars this week, prompting the promised party with DL Vanilla Ice Cream. They are currently working on getting a shipment from Nice, and it’s believed that the party will be held after the game on Monday.

Reflections: With many of the Sass players being taller--Jon Rauch and Aaron Harang both are over 6’7”--the shorter members of the Sass have started to wear shoes with reflective stripes.

“I’m afraid that during a close play near the mound or first, where we both go to cover, those two pitchers might run me over. I’m hoping the shiny things will attract their eyes and they’ll notice that I’m down there,” Placido Polanco said.

Coming up: This week the 13th place Sass face the 18th place Destroyers.

“It should be a fun week. It won’t be long before we start facing the top ranked teams again. Our schedule this year is very unbalanced, facing the top five teams twice, and the bottom five teams once,” Dawn said.

Tonight: Tonight, the Sass send pitcher Carlos Silva to the mound.

“This could be an extra challenge for him,” Beth said, gleefully, “He’ll be playing without a catcher, first baseman, and he’ll be short one outfielder. Michael Cuddyer is playing utility, again, and he has experience at both first and the outfielder. The catching could be fun.” Rheal Cormier is the only relief pitcher available tonight.

The Sass vaguely mentioned their intention to have olbiemn fill in as catcher, after her admirable job pitching on Sunday, and Kat filling in at first base, but the line-up has not been set yet.