Notes: Excessive trips to DL solved?

Bubble wrap issues are brought to light
By Beth Sass / hereforthesass.blogspot.com

MINNEAPOLIS -- The Here for the Sass team noted that although they were wrapping players in the bubble wrap, the trips to the DL have no decreased. With the new hiring of Kat as the Equipment and Uniform Manager, some new things have come to light. Apparently Doug Mientkiewicz, Juan Encarnacion, A.J. Pierzynski, Ambiorix Burgos, and Little Nicky Punto were all competing in a bubble-wrap dueling club. Two players were matched up, and tried to be the first to pop all of their opponents bubbles.

Clubhouse Manager Rach has joined Kat in putting a stop to this. Dawn will be flying in from Nice on Wednesday, when she will take care of reprimanding A.J. and Little Nicky.

Kat and Rach are now looking into alternative wrapping techniques to avoid further injury of Sassians, as all rooms in Nice are currently full, and it will be at least ten days before Edwin Encarnacion will be able to return.

DL update: Reliever Grant Balfour has taken a commanding lead in the DL Chutes and Ladders competition. His success has been attributed more to the amount of time spent on the DL, and thus the number of games he’s been playing, than to any particular skill. In fact, other members of the DL have declared that he’s winning in spite of himself.

“I’m surprised Grant can win,” Matt Guerrier said. “He’s so easily distracted that it’s amazing he can finish a game at all.”

Attempts to contact Grant were met with no success. Before reporters could talk to him for a quote, he had wandered off to look at pretty rocks on the beach.

Cooking classes: Reliever Brandon Medders had always felt a little bit along since joining the team. He didn’t enjoy playing Legos like some of the other younger guys, but he never felt like he fit into any group. However, when the ever gregarious Rocco Baldelli returned from the DL, and started to cook some of the excellent meals Sassians enjoy regularly, Brandon watched in awe.

After a couple of days, Rocco invited Brandon to join him in the kitchen. Brandon said he had never cooked much before, other than really simple meals, like Mac and Cheese, so he hesitated at the invitation. When Rocco reiterated his invitation, Brandon agreed.

“I was a little scared at first, because I’ve never really cooked before,” Brandon said, “I was afraid I was going to ruin a meal and then I’d have to face the wrath of Beth, Rach, and Kat--I don’t want any of them upset with me. But Rocco is such a good teacher that it’s so easy.”

Rocco says it’s much easier to cook meals with an extra pair of hands in the kitchen.

“I had Tomo Ohka helping me in Nice, so someone could take over cooking when I came off the DL, and it was so nice to have someone to lend a hand--someone to mix while I added ingredients, or someone to cook the vegetables while I worked on the main course. I kinda missed that when I rejoined the Sass, so I was thankful when Brandon accepted my offer to teach him to cook. It’s a win-win for us. Besides, chicks dig a guy who can cook.”

Flirting: Dawn was none-to-pleased to hear that when Miss Minnesota came to throw out the first pitch at Sass Stadium on Tuesday, Little Nicky was seen flirting with her before the game started. Little Nicky claimed he was just being friendly, but Doug disagreed.

“That was flirting if I ever saw it,” Doug said, “He was laughing, she was giggling, and he couldn’t walk away from her.”

Knowing Little Nciky’s penchant for meeting and having a good time with people, Dawn said she would wait until she could get a hold of Little Nicky before passing judgment.

“He better not be flirting with other women while I’m away,” she said.

Take that: Powering out another home run on Tuesday night, first baseman Adam Dunn trotted around the bases with a big grin. As he rounded second, he pointed into the dugout at outfielder Jermaine Dye and laughed. This home run put Adam ahead of Jermaine by 3 home runs in their friendly competition.

“That was just sick,” Jermaine said, “I’m now behind by three home runs. I think he does it just to irritate me.”

Adam grinned, “And I’m leading by 25 walks, too.”

To avoid listening to them arguing and fighting, Kat sent them off to wash dishes.

Tonight: After sending three starters to the mound in two days, Beth has declared a night off and will not send a starter into the game. Relievers may pitch at their own risk. The rest of the week, she plans on sending a pitcher to the mound on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, and will possibly send another one to face the opponent on Sunday. The reasoning for so many starters this week as compared to most was the absolutely wonderful outing Chan Ho Park had Tuesday night, allowing only one run in six innings. Chan Ho Park proudly showed off his gold star from Beth for his performance.