Notes: Tragedy strikes again

Weeping, wailing, gnashing of teeth
By Beth Sass / hereforthesass.blogspot.com

MINNEAPOLIS -- Beth called Dawn late Thursday with the bad news: Matt Guerrier is the latest member of the Here for the Sass team to take the long trip to Nice. Unfortunately, this brings the Sass back to four people on the DL.

“I’ve totally lost track of how many guys we’ve sent to the DL this year,” Beth said. “It’s a bad year for the BFL, particularly with the teams of multiple female managers.” The Jello Fighters, managed by twink and CapitalBabs have also found their year difficult with multiple injuries.

Matt was pitching in Thursday’s game when a line drive by Richie Sexson (Team neut) hit him on the right hand, fracturing a bone in his thumb. He is projected to be out for two months. BODSHC Batgirl will join Matt on his journey to Nice, as he is unable to carry his own luggage.

“Batgirl has had repeated instances of mentioning sniffing glue,” Dawn said, “So we’re sending her to Nice to overcome this habit. Although, quite frankly, since the Twins have been doing as well as the Sass, it doesn’t sound like a bad idea.”

The Sass had three pitchers already in Nice, which means there will only be one opening when Matt gets there.

“I hope we don’t need to send e.e. [Edwin Encarnacion] to the DL,” Beth said, concerned. e.e. injured his ankle earlier this week, and has been sitting on the bench. In the meantime, bench players have filled in for him. The extreme depth of the Sass bench is the only reason this is feasible.

Beth reported with her ex-Bullpen Boyfriend [Grant Balfour] and current Bullpen Boyfriend [Matt] on the DL, she might be more motivated to visit Nice more often, although her boyfriend Michael Cuddyer does offer motivation in keeping her with the Sass.

Cupcake Day! Since the Sass were playing on the road on Cupcake Day, and Sassians hit two home runs that day, Beth has come through on her challenge, and pancake cake cupcakes will be served to all fans entering the stadium tonight.

“That sucks,” said pitcher Carlos Silva, “Because we didn’t get pancake cake cupcakes on Cupcake Day. There were delays in shipping and Ghetto Cub couldn’t get them to us in time. I’m hoping that we get leftover pancake cake cupcakes after the game.”

Changing their minds: Beth has already expressed frustrations with the deals made by BFL Commissioner SBGF, and MLB Commissioner Bud Selig.

“The fact that we’ve drafted our players from other teams should not mean we have to bow to the whims of the team we took them from. We took Brad Halsey as a reliever, and suddenly the Oakland A’s informed us that we had to use him as a starter. All of a sudden, the day before we were going to start him, they called and said he needed to go to Oakland for a relief appearance. We were unable to start him the next day like planned, but fortunately he was able to do another relief appearance for us. We were just getting settled in to him being a reliever again--clearly a better place for him-- when the A’s have called yet again telling us they’re considering making us use him as a starter!” Beth complained, in quite possibly the longest statement she had ever made in her life.

Presently, the Sass have not schedule Brad into either a starting or relief role, waiting for the call from Oakland.

Questioning: Beth has long been a proponent of young guys joining her team, but is a little baffled by Ambiorix Burgos. The young reliever has already been removed from his starting role, although Beth did admit he was probably a bit young to take on that responsibility in the first place. However, so far this week Ambiorix has managed to record a 16.20 ERA with a 1.20 WHIP.

“How do you get an ERA of 16-plus, and a WHIP of 1.20? Is he hitting every batter he faces with a pitch, then giving up grand slams? I mean, seriously. That’s crazy,” Beth said.

Beth mentioned that since all the Sass pitchers who have gone on the DL have performed well, she might injury Ambiorix with one of his Legos to send him to Nice.

DL Update: It is reported that Grant Balfour has took a commanding lead of the current DL Chutes and Ladder competition. If Rocco Baldelli would return, it’s likely he would have a chance, but it will take a lot of work for many of the others to catch up. Most of the lead has come purely on the amount of games that Grant has played. As far as win percentage is concerned, Justin Duchschererererer holds the lead.

Dawn has reported that her Apple Addiction is now under control, although she does not expect to return to the Sass until August 21st. Beth is highly suspicious, because that is approximately the projected date of Matt's return to the line-up. However, to avoid jealousy issues with Dawn's boyfriends A.J. Pierzynski and Little Nicky Punto, she has not said anything.

Rach expects to return to the Sass "soon", while it's expected that Beth will report to Nice on Monday, for an undetermined amount of time. Rach was in Nice to recover from seasonal allergies; Beth would be reporting to Nice with the plague.

Tonight: With the injury of Matt, Beth’s terror of pitchers getting injured has increased Beth’s already high terror levels of pitching. Because of this, she will not start any pitchers tonight. There are rumors she’s willing to start Carlos Silva on Saturday, and Aaron Cook on Sunday. Brad Halsey may also start this weekend, but Beth and Dawn are waiting for a call from Oakland before that will be known.