Notes: Cupcake Friday!

Sassians rise to challenge
By Beth Sass / hereforthesass.blogspot.com

SEATTLE -- After their game on Monday, Beth challenged the entire Here for the Sass team to hit more than two home runs on Tuesday. Not to give an rhetorical challenge to her hitting-challenged boys, she offered the reward--to the fans. If the Sass team hit more than two home runs on Tuesday, all fans in attendance for Friday night's home game would receive a cupcake. The Sassians delivered the necessary two home runs.

“Wow. I didn’t realize how easily these guys could be motivated. Now that I know, I plan on using this to my advantage!” Beth said, gleefully.

The plans are already underway, and Kat has placed an order with Ghetto Cub for Friday night. All fans entering the gates on Friday night will receive a pancake cake cupcake, with 100 lucky fans also winning a box of Mrs. Guillen’s cookies.

“Someone asked me what it was like playing for the Sass,” infielder Placido Polanco said, “I mean, we’re a losing team most of the time, which usually causes for strife and an unpleasant atmosphere. But let me tell you, playing for the Sass is the best thing ever. We’ve got the best front office, the best team, and the best fans in the entire BFL. No one else can even compare.”

Beth announced that she will begin to keep track of players performances and offer gold stars to anything she deems worthy. She had already granted one to Julio Mateo for allowing Michael Cuddyer to get a hit on Tuesday night, before she decided on the reward system.

Friendly competition: Adam Dunn held the lead for Sassian home runs by one over Jermaine Dye, going into Tuesday's game, when Beth challenged the entire team to hit two home runs in one day. Early in the game, Jermaine tied Adam by hitting his 17th home run. Not to be out-done, Adam hit one later in the game.

"First, I wanted to make sure that Sass fans got cupcakes on Friday, 'cause it IS cupcake day. Secondly, there is no way I was letting that old guy hit more home runs than me!" Adam said, grinning during post-game interviews.

Jermaine Dye vowed he would some day take the team lead in home runs.

Draft Day: The Here for the Sass had a very productive draft day, grabbing Carlos Encarnacion, RHP/SS from the NDSU in the first round. The Sass front office said that they intended to make him into a super-utility player, in that he would be a starting pitcher who would fill in other positions as needed between starts.

“Well, we looked through his numbers, watched his scouting videos, and finally decided that in our long-term plans to corner the market on players named “Carlos” and “Encarnacion”, we had to take him,” Dawn said.

Their second round pick was a bit shocking and confusing to all when they selected Lyle Kohse.

“I know. No one ever wants them near their team, but we discussed this and decided it was the best move. If we move Lyle to a rookie-league team, he will be unavailable to torture our pitchers, and perhaps they’ll be able to perform up to their potential,” Beth said.

The Sass also made a surprise move in drafting Jimmy Grudzielanek-Mientkiewicz-Pierzynski, the adopted son of Sassians Mark Grudzielanek, Doug Mientkiewicz, and A.J. Pierzynski, in the third round. Other managers, having never heard of Jimmy, asked if he hit well.

“Give me a break,” Beth said, “He’s five months old. Let’s work on sitting up by himself, first.”

Carlos E. will report to the Sass Rookie-League team the Sassy Toddlers in Maui, Hawaii, while Lyle is set to report to the Black Holes in New York City. Jimmy will remain with the Sass team until he reaches the age of 18.

New position open: Immediately after the announcement of the third round of the draft, uniform and equipment manager James announced he was quitting to pursue his dream job as a medical doctor. He had already been accepted into Harvard Medical School, but had deferred enrollment to work for the Sass.

“I couldn’t take it. I know someday, Beth and Dawn will come up to me and tell me that Jimmy was making the team. I couldn’t bare the thought of trying to fit his last name onto a uniform,” James said, sobbing, “It’s already a pain looking at Grudzielanek, Mientkiewicz, Encarnacion, and all these guys.”

Beth and Dawn have offered James a position on the Sass medical staff--either with the team or in Nice--when he graduates.

Rejected! Dawn and Beth invited Mmmm…Guinness owner and manager Heraldguy out to lunch with them on Tuesday, but were immediately rejected. Both ladies were crushed by the rejection. Heraldguy did leave an opening for a possible future lunch, but refused to join Beth and Dawn on Tuesday.

Both ladies insist that the fact that they asked him to lunch at 2:00 in the afternoon had nothing to do with it, nor the fact that Beth and Dawn weren’t planning on meeting for lunch anyway.

“If he would’ve said he would join us, we might’ve decided to have an impromptu lunch,” Dawn said. “If we could get away from our work. Running a team isn’t easy, you know.” It’s uncertain Dawn could’ve made it back from Nice in time for a lunch, but the crushing blow of rejection made the argument moot.

Chaos! There was a brief period of chaos in the Sass clubhouse on Tuesday night, as suddenly all the boys started to run around in chaos.

When the figurative smoke cleared, and the players calmed down enough to sort things out, the cause became clear.

“A.J. farted!” Matt Guerrier said.

It was later discovered that A.J. did not actually fart, but rather Carlos Silva had placed a whoopee cushion on his chair. The sound alone was enough to clear the clubhouse.