Notes: New Member of Medical Staff Added

Hydration key in summer heat
By Beth Sass / hereforthesass.blogspot.com

MINNEAPOLIS -- The Here for the Sass medical staff announced that they have added a staff member. Edward Mujica was on the BFL free agent list, but had not been picked up, so the Sass Medical Staff offered him a job.

“As the days get hot and humid, there’s a large concern about overheating and dehydration. We wanted to have someone in charge of making sure the entire team, including the front office, were well-hydrated, before, during, and after the games. What beverages he serves obviously depends on the timing. A relief pitcher heading to the bullpen will obviously not get the same drinks as a starting pitcher coming into the clubhouse after finishing his work for the night,” said Jason Tyner, who heads the Sass Medical Staff.

Edward is also in charge of making sure that Dawn constantly has a fresh Mojito near her.

Pets: Many Sassians have pets, but super utility player Little Nicky Punto has the oddest collection of all, having three large pet peeves. They are: People who are late, when people aren't courteous on the road, and they cut you off, and when sheets of toilet paper are facing underneath the roll. They should be on top."

The writer of the Sass Notes would like to apologize to Little Nicky for the lateness of this post.

DL Update: Tomo Ohka should rejoin the Sass sometime today. As of yet, it’s uncertain which Sassian will be cut from the team. There are rumors that it could be Chan Ho Park or Julio Mateo, both of whom have expressed an interest in taking care of the Sass Stadium penguins as a full-time job.

Pitcher Matt Guerrier has been with the team the last week so Beth and Dawn could watch him pitch off the mound (they insist it’s purely for observation of his recovery from the injury, but there have been reports to the contrary from other Sassians). If he’s still feeling well when the Sassians leave for their road trip Thursday afternoon, it’s likely that he will fly back to Nice to join the Nice Guys for a rehab assignment.

Dawn had been indicating a trip to the Sass Rehab Facility was necessary for Beth to overcome a codeine addiction, but as of Monday morning, Beth had removed all codeine from her house and was not facing any withdrawal symptoms. Sassians are keeping a close eye on her for relapses, however.

Apologies: Chan Ho was the first Sassian pitcher to be put to work writing apology letters to fans. All four other Sassian starting pitchers did well. Jon Rauch was also required to write a few letters--his pitching was also not up to par, but as a reliever, he does less overall damage to the team.

Tonight: With required limits on players, the Sassians will play tonight without a starting pitcher, shortstop, catcher, or utility player. All six relievers will be available in the bullpen, however. It’s believed that Sass hitting coach Michael Restovich will pitch the first inning, and Sass Translator Sarah will pitch the second and third innings. Clubhouse Manager Rach will pitch the fifth inning, and Uniform and Equipment Manager Kat will pitch the sixth through eighth innings.