Notes: Winning Monopoly Team announced!

Playing to lose was the winning strategy
By Beth Sass / hereforthesass.blogspot.com

MINNEAPOLIS -- There were some unprintable words spoken as Beth and Dawn were declared the winners of the Here for the Sass All-Star Break Monopoly Tournament. When Rach and T. landed on Baltic Avenue with a hotel, owned by Beth and Dawn, they knew they were toast. This is when unprintable words were spoken by the ladies involved.

“Rather than paying the fee to stay at our hotel, we’ll let you stay for free if you bake us cookies,” Beth offered to the stunned competitors. The gathered crowd of fans and Sassians, who had been waiting for hours to find out who the winner was of First Annual Here for the Sass All-Star Break Monopoly Tournament.

Beth and Dawn accepted the congratulations, and said they were glad it was all over.

“We tried to play to lose. Our strategy to was to hold the monopoly of Baltic Avenue and Mediterranean Avenue, which we did in every game. We’re still not sure how we won. I’m glad we’re done and we don’t have to play another game,” Dawn said, moments after the Championship round was over.

Fans all were quite pleased with the results, and hoped this would become an annual Here for the Sass tradition.

“I had so much fun watching Beth and Dawn so obviously play to lose, and then groan in agony every time something they did turned out to be the best move,” said ClosetJaysFan, who came to the stadium to watch the final game, and admitted to watching earlier games as they were broadcast on the Sass web site.

Over $14,000 was raised for charities from this event, and the Sass thank all their fans for the support.

Final-Final Round: Sassians decided that they needed an ultimate champion, similar to an MVP of a game. A final-final round today will be between Beth and Dawn. Both ladies protested the idea, saying they wanted to win as a team, but that idea was refused. The Sassians did agree that if Beth and Dawn were to play a game similar to the television show Fear Factor, they could avoid playing Monopoly. Fans are welcome to join the entire Sass team at Sass Stadium Thursday morning, or on the web at the Sass site to watch the final playoff game of Monopoly.

“Beth and I were playing to lose, and ended up winning. I’m still debating whether my strategy is still playing to lose or to play to win. Playing to lose might end up failing me again, but playing to win sucks,” Dawn said.

Beth confided to reporters and Dawn that she was going to play to “irritate me in the least amount possible.” The general consensus of the Sassians is that this will building card houses out of the property titles, purposely counting wrong, and making up songs about every single property she lands on. Dawn has already requested a steady supply of Mojitos to help her survive the game and hopes to spend as much time in jail as she can.

Sass players said they will keep a close eye on the ladies, as there were some murmurings that they would attempt to light the board on fire to get out of playing.

News from Nice: With the DL Boys returning to the Sass Rehabilitation Facility in Nice Wednesday, after all three were eliminated from further Monopoly play, they returned in time for Grant to make a relief appearance with the Nice Nice Guys (Sass AA team). Accroding to the translation by Sass Translator Sarah, Grant pitched one inning and struck out two. Tomo Ohka will make another start with the team soon and could possibly rejoin the Sass next week, and it's felt that Matt Guerrier could start a rehab assignment with the Nice Guys sometime in the next week or two.

Tonight: Beth was too lazy to write up a pitching rotation, and A.J. Pierzynski admitted he was exhausted from staying up late to read books on Monopoly strategy, so it was decided that there would be no starting pitcher nor catcher for the first game coming out of the All-Star Break. There’s some possibility of relief pitchers being used, but Beth and Dawn would not commit to any.