Notes: Returning to form

Entertaining the clubhouse
By Beth Sass / hereforthesass.blogspot.com

CHICAGO -- Here for the Sass pitcher Tomo Ohka had the entire dugout in stitches on Sunday. After he finished his masterful pitching performance, he sat to watch the bottom of the ninth. As usual, however, Tomo did not just sit back. He began doing a dramatization of every single play, Shakespearean style. Outfielder did not “range back to catch a fly ball” but rather “Hark! What yonder ball in my sight doth appear? A ball, it comes towards me, but it is there. I must to wall find my feet to tread! There--the ball! I shall catch it in my glove.”

“I missed Tomo,” said first baseman Adam Dunn, who was sitting on the bench to give Doug Mientkiewicz time on the field as a defensive replacement, “Nothing is ever an ordinary play. Usually, first baseman don’t go to meetings on the mound, but when it’s Tomo pitching, I never miss a moment. Even with the bases loaded and no outs, the man can have us laughing. He refuses to take anything too seriously. It’s great to have him back, especially during this last stretch of play.”

Ouch! Earlier in the year, the Here for the Sass team almost picked up Esteban Loaiza in a trade that was vetoed by BFL commissioner SBGF. Esteban has never been quite pleased with the fact that he was not considered of equal value as R. Johnson, and has spent much of the year sulking, and actually ended up injuring himself landing him on the DL. Facing Sass second baseman Placido Polanco in a game Sunday, Esteban admitted he cracked a little bit, and left a pitch up in the zone--in fact, so far up, that it hit Placido in the face. He was rushed to the hospital for x-rays which revealed no broken bones, and CAT scans have turned out negative. It’s believed that Placido should be able to play again soon, but further tests were to be done to ensure a stint on the DL would not be necessary.

Good-byes and hellos: Sass pitcher Carlos Silva has been missing fellow Minnesota Twin and Sassian Kyle Lohse for a while now. After the weekly results were in on Sunday, Carlos S. met with Beth and Dawn, and it was decided that he could join Kyle in Vancouver, pitching with the Sass AAA team.

“If, in the future, both men feel able to contribute positively to the team, it’s entirely possible they could be called back up,” Beth said, “But both have admitted that the pressure of playing in the BFL, which is under the direction of Commissioner SBGF, is a lot of pressure they’d rather not have.”

In his place, the Sass called up reliever Darren Oliver from the AA Nice Guys in Nice, France.

“Darren Oliver had proved his worth. Notification from Kyle and the management of the Sarcastics was that no relief pitcher was quite ready to come up to the big leagues, yet,” Dawn said, “So we moved down a level. In my time in Nice, I saw Darren play often and he was quite clearly in command of his game. I think he’ll do a fine job.”

Most Sassians are welcomed with wide-open arms and cheerful shouts. When new Darren joined the team, Sass pitcher Tomo Ohka brought forward a bowl of gruel. Without missing a beat, Darren looked into the bowl and looked back at Tomo and said, “Please, sir, can I have some more?”

The entire Sass team broke into applause. “When I heard that, I knew he was a perfect fit,” said first baseman Adam Dunn. “Not everyone can get references to Oliver Twist in a split second, and respond appropriately.”

Fan promotion: The Here for the Sass team, as a thank-you to their loyal fans that follow them on away trips, would like to announce a special promotion this week. Any fan who punches a White Sox fan this week in Chicago will receive free tickets to an upcoming Sass game, provided the White Sox fan is not injured. The Sass are not condoning violence, per se, but instead want this as reminder to White Sox fans that punching is not a good thing. This Sass promotion is entirely based upon the White Sox “Punch A.J.” campaign for the 2006 All-Star game final ballot vote.

Tonight: Tonight, the Sass will send three relievers to the mound: Justin Duchscherererer, Rheal Cormier, and Brad Halsey. The three are charged with the duties of acting well enough so the Hoya Destroya team does not realize that the Sass are actually putting a pitching machine on the mound for the evening. Utility player Michael Cuddyer is expected to spend some time at first base, giving both Adam Dunn and Doug Mientkiewicz a rest, per MLB rules.