Notes: Contract arguments

New players and contracts suddenly brought to light
By Beth Sass / hereforthesass.blogspot.com

MINNEAPOLIS -- The Here for the Sass team has changed their contracts since the beginning of the year, and some of the original team members are feeling left out. The original contracts were on white paper, with Times New Roman font, and the Sass Logo in the upper right-hand corner of ever page. However, when some of the original players saw new reliever Darren Oliver’s contract, immediately jealousy ensured.

“That was so unfair. The paper was the Sass pink, with the Sass purple writing, and the font was one of the fancy Sass fonts--I’m not sure which one, though,” said pitcher Kristin Benson.

Other Sassians found other reasons to feel jealous. “I think what really makes me jealous is that Beth and Dawn signed with glittery pens. When we signed my contract, they just used nice black pens. Glitter is so much more fun,” said outfielder Juan Encarnacion.

Beth and Dawn reported that the Sass paper was not ready before June 1st, and offered to re-do the contracts of any player who wished to have their contract in official Sass colors. A few have declined the offer, but many are requesting new contracts. None of the information in the contracts will change, but the contract itself will be prettier.

Giddy Management: Managers Beth and Dawn were both giddy after Monday's game. Both ladies missed the game, leaving the team under the responsibility of the rest of the front office.

“We had a pitching machine pitching, and we only had about seven players available under the BFL contract with MLB. It’s not like we were needed. I mean, we needed someone to be there, obviously, in case of emergency, and someone had to keep the guys in line, but we didn’t need to be there,” Dawn said.

Beth got out of her meeting to hear that Michael Cuddyer hit a home run, which prompted a quick phone call asking why no one had interrupted her meeting to tell her. Dawn returned from her Monday night class to hear that Little Nicky Punto stole a base, prompting her to question why no one had texted her in class to inform her of this.

Torturing the Kids: Earlier this year, some of the Sassians took to calling to calling a few of the younger Sassians “Kids.” Although none of the front office was involved in this, they were informed by the Sassians that anyone on the team born before 1980 was to get the official designation of “Kid.” The front office is allowing the players to tease one another, but is not partaking in this friendly teasing. Front office members who were born before 1980 are exempt from this ruling, as they should all be properly addressed as the true businesswomen that they are.

“I’m waiting for the day that someone treats me with respect,” Beth said, pulling yet another rubber mouse out of her desk drawer.

The Kids (pitchers Ambiorix Burgos and Brad Halsey, infielder Edwin Encarnacion, and outfielder Rocco Baldelli) have taken the teasing good-naturedly. “It’s cool,” e.e. said, “They buy us Legos and sometimes they even give us their toys from their Happy Meals. I like being one of the Kids!”

However, Rocco got the short end of the straw when outfielder Adam Dunn walked up to him Monday evening after the game with a children’s book tucked under his arm. He grabbed Rocco by the hand, and sat him down and began to read “There's a Wocket in My Pocket!” by Dr. Suess.

“Y’know, it was funny enough as it was, but then I found out the Old Men [as the Kids refer to those born before 1980] had gotten together and re-written the story to include the fact that I was born in Woonsocket, Rhode Island. You think they’d be a little more creative than that!” Rocco said.

Apparently story hour was a group effort that the Old Men had been working on for over a week. The other three Kids are a bit wary of when their turn for Story Hour will come.

"They're boys being boys," Dawn said, "They will always be finding new and creative ways to harass and annoy each other. As long as they don't go over the imaginary line, we're not going to get involved."

Tonight: Tonight’s game will feature not one, not two, but three starting pitching. Beth and Dawn are hoping between the three of them, one of them will do something “pretty”. Aaron Harang, Kristin Benson, and Chan Ho Park will all toe the rubber in this unusual game.