Week Eight: Summary of Game

Sass fall in heartbreaker
Quarterback failure key to loss
By Beth Sass / hereforthesass.blogspot.com

MINNEAPOLIS -- The Here for the Sass football team lost again this week, in an upset that left the League of Zoob in chaos when the final scores came out. The final score was 50.11-54.17, with the BlastProcessors coming out on top.

“We should’ve won, but it was a bad prank gone awry. We drugged the BFL Commissioner SBGF up, and put Chad Pennington’s uniform on him. He couldn’t figure out how to take it off, and the officials shoved him onto the field. He ended up with a negative 1.39 points. Chad is so angry,” Beth reported to the press.

There were no comments from Chad, and SBGF was rushed to the hospital immediately following the game and was listed in serious condition.

“It wasn’t critical condition? Man, I’m off my game,” said Sass Baseball first baseman Doug Mientkiewicz. Sass Baseball catcher A. J. Pierzynski claimed innocence, although was seen in the training room with bruised knuckles complaining about the gel SBGF used in his hair.

SBGF initially protested that he was not the starting quarterback, until entering the field he saw the vast number of cameras and television crews.

“In the first huddle he told us all to relax, that he could handle the game. Since Chad was no where to be seen - we later found out that he couldn’t come out to the field because SBGF was in his uniform - we had no choice. You should’ve heard him yelling after throwing that first interception. When you throw it right into the middle of a mass of the opposing players, we’re not going to get to it. Especially when the only Sassians anywhere near him was Henry [tight end Heatlh Miller] and he was five yards away when it was caught,“said wide receiver Nate Burleson

Sass running back Mewelde Moore was the team leader, gaining 11.00 points all by himself, despite the efforts of SBGF to keep the ball to himself.

“I actually physically wrestled the ball away from him on one of my carries,” Mewelde said. “It was the only way the ball was going anywhere.”

Cornerback Justin “Jacob” Miller was the defense leader, with 8.50 points. He had a return touchdown to help out the Sass.

“If we had won, I would’ve called this the best game of my life. It’s always a good day playing for the Sass, but it’s sad when a prank throws off the entire game,” Jacob said.

Notes: Sass quarterback Duante Culpepper was released from the Sass team not long after the game on Monday, to make way for Mike Burnell. Because NFL rules on the League of Zoob require Chad to sit out next week, and Culpepper still was not feeling healthy enough to play next week, the Sass needed to make a roster move. Beth would not comment on the quality of the move. Defensive tackle Luis Castillo, who runs two fantasy football leagues and participates in a total of seven football leagues (three hockey, two basketball, and ten baseball, as well) said that it’s because Beth has no idea what she’s doing running a fantasy team.