Notes: Trade deadline approaches

Sass planning no moves
By Beth Sass / hereforthesass.blogspot.com

MINNEAPOLIS -- As the MLB trade deadline approaches the Here for the Sass has no intentions of making any moves. Despite that, the Phillies, to whom the Sass had to take orders from regarding the use of Sassian Rheal Cormier informed Beth and Dawn via a memo informing them that they had traded the rights to the use of Rheal to the Reds.

“It works out better. We have a long-standing, close relationship with the Reds,” Beth said, “Right now we have three guys on our staff that we can only use as advised by the Reds. Well, four, if you count Grant Balfour.”

Kyle Lohse, former Sass reliever who is currently pitching with the Vancouver Sarcastics has also had his ownership rights transferred to the Reds, but Beth and Dawn were not foreseeing any issues with the situation.

Beth was just heard mumbling unintelligible phrases, as apparently she has a lot at stake in the MLB market.

There’s someone healthy here, right? The Here for the Sass were originally supposed to start a trifecta of starting pitchers on Sunday, but as the week wore on, it slowly dwindled down to Aaron Harang standing alone on the mound.

Kristin Benson finally publicly admitted that he had been having elbow problems for a number of months, but tendonitis had finally settled in and he missed his start on Sunday. The Sass trainers have no recommendations presently, but if all goes well early this week, he will be able to make his next scheduled start.

The news was not so good for Chan Ho Park, however. He had been feeling unwell, suffering from an unknown lower digestive tract. Doctors have discovered that Chan Ho is suffering from anemia, and was sent to Nice to for recovery. He and Sass Reliever/Nice Coordinator Grant are working to prepare for the future entry of Dawn to the Nice Rehabilitation Facility.

Punishment: Sass second baseman Placido Polanco played with his owning team, the Detroit Tigers, in between his games with the Sass. Unfortunately for Placido, he failed to realize that playing for his owning team when they were playing against the Minnesota Twins was not smart to do.

“It’s a total lose-lose situation,” Placido admitted, “I mean, I hit well, Boom! Beth and Dawn are both on my case for screwing up the Twins. I hit poorly, Beth and Dawn are on my case for screwing up the Sass.”

Placido returned to the Sass Sunday night only to find out how exactly unhappy Beth and Dawn were. “I walked into the clubhouse, ready to play, and they didn’t say a word to me. I was surprised I was still in the line-up, so I figured I must’ve slipped into that magic zone of not playing too well or too poorly. During the whole game, they didn’t say a word to me. However, after the game that Rach walked up to me and informed me that I was to scrub the Sass Shower Room out when all the guys were done. I realized they were more upset with me than I thought.”

Carlos Guillen, who also joined the Tigers, but did not hit overly well and attempted to ground into a double-play when requested, was let go with a milder punishment.

Tonight: Tonight, Beth nor Dawn really don’t know who exactly is playing, who exactly is pitching, and what exactly they’re going to do. The heat in Minnesota will find Dawn voluntarily going to class, and Beth will go watch the Minnesota Twins, because they play indoors. She did overhear some of the bench players mentioning they were planning on hanging out with the penguins during the game to keep cool.

The writer of the Sass notes, in conjunction with the writer of the weekly summary, would like to apologize for the delay in the Notes and Summary. She was up late supervising Sass second baseman Placido Polanco as he scrubbed the showers in the Sass locker room.

The Here for the Sass Front Office are hoping that Mr. Polanco has indeed learned his lesson and will behave better next time Mr. Polanco faces the Twins, in particular Beth's pitching boyfriend.